The Curse of Oak Island season 8 finale recap

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Originally published at: The Curse of Oak Island season 8 finale recap | Boing Boing

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The real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

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They already found the treasure: like hundreds of other Oak Island treasure hunters for the last 200 years they convinced people to give them money to perpetuate the myth of Oak Island treasure.

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The real treasure is hours and hours of dramatic dolly counterzoom footage of muddy garbage leading into commercial breaks. Mix in some people with anger management issues and you have reality TV solid gold.

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I knew if we kept digging we’d as a species would find the “reality TV solid gold”.

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The friends and the money Discovery Channel paid them for the rights to make this show.

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Wait…Wasn’t Solid Gold technically reality tv solid gold?

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My more cost-effective recommendation:

  1. Repoint the Hubble telescope at the island.
  2. Blow the island up with a thermonuclear weapon.
  3. Analyze the visual spectrum for trace mineral elements, namely gold.
  4. PROFIT!
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Is this you?

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The Solid Gold dancers were NOT real.

That is what I have told myself since I was 7 years old and it’s why I didn’t end up marrying all of them.

Do NOT fuck with my false rationalizations.

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We were at my in-laws house a couple years ago and they were super into watching this show.
I asked how long it had been on and they said several seasons. I was like “wait a minute, you’ve been watching a show for SEVERAL seasons that is effectively about people digging for treasure, only to never find it.” I’d be pissed if it lasted 3 episodes.

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Honestly, it is very clear and in the intro every week.

One more must die.

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They got renewed, so I guess they got a treasure of sorts.

I want to see them cross-over with the Amelia Earhart hunters. Maybe setup an elimination fight for the cash to keep going. Next season: Amelia’s Oak Island Hunters!

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They can’t say that the treasure was inside of them the whole time because they might open each other up.

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I will admit to getting sucked into this show briefly while visiting my mom.

Like a lot of shows on “History” Channel it’s heavy on hype and weak on information, they can spend an entire show debating a single 18th century button found on the shoreline, or wringing their hands over a delay in the dredging operation.

I finally decided “you know, IF they ever find anything resembling treasure I’m sure the world will find out when it’s reported by every news service. Until then, what else is on?”

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I was there in summer 1982 once…

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I mean, I like the little tiny stuff they find, the history of the island is interesting on its own. But I haven’t watched it since I got rid of cable and based on this I didn’t miss much?

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spaceballs

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One thing’s for sure, Gary Drayton the detectorist guy will surely turn up another real bobby dazzler!

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