Originally published at: These McDonaldLand brand guidelines are like the handbook for a horror RPG | Boing Boing
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Back in college, my friend and I did a comedy news report on his late-night campus radio show (listening audience of perhaps five) where I played a labour activist being interviewed about union busting in the McDonaldland company town. Ronald was, of course, the exploitative big boss, with various other characters operating as his cronies. Mayor McCheese was the typical bought-and-paid-for politician, Officer Big Mac fulfilling the typical role of police chiefs in such situations, and Grimace as the fearsome enforcer thug. This cursed manual would have fit right in.
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Alright, be honest about Grimace and sitting. The manual says the actor in the Grimace costume can’t sit comfortably for more than 35 minutes. It’s less about Bizarre McDonaldland Lore and more about the logistics of the costume.
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I think the primary problem with the manual is that there are no exploded views. 
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What’s to show? They’re all hollow inside…
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Not true: see Birdie, the Early Bird™, who “should be between 4 and 4½ feet in height.”
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I used to run McDonald’s restaurants, and for fun my last day they made me dress up as Grimace. I can assure you that sitting in it is almost impossible. Also, it smelt of sweat and was generally disgusting.
I spent about 3 hours getting alternately punched and hugged. Then I was given a golden spatula (left after 15 years of running stores) which I probably have around somewhere.
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I’m not sure anything here reads as “ominous.” It sounds like typical corporate branding, character descriptions, and guidelines for who will fit in the costumes.
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Who wants to create a version of the Wendy’s RPG Feast of Legends (Internet Archive link, since the original site seems down) set in McDonaldLand using these guidelines to create the NPCs?
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If you want to be comfortable you probably shouldn’t dress up as a character whose very name conveys a rictus of pain.
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This was 2 years before the landmark case where Sid & Marty Krofft successfully sued McDonalds for copyright infringement. The McDonaldland characters were ruled to too closely resemble H.R. Puffinstuff.
The case is in every IP law textbook in law schools throughout the country
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sid_%26_Marty_Krofft_Television_Productions_Inc._v._McDonald’s_Corp.
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I see what you did there… 
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This reminds me of the Dr McNinja webcomic where Ronald McDonald and the Burger King are among the weird rogues gallery of villains.
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