Wells Fargo's punishment for fake account scandal: no more growth until Fed is "satisfied"

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/02/04/late-stage-banksterism.html


a very apt hack of the WF logo…but somehow I’m left wondering if a Jesus freak just wants to save John Stumpf from his sins.


“we want our cut”


Oh. I was assuming sexual favors.


“Drops the hammer”? Maybe hammers were just heavier when I was a wee lad; but a weaksauce consent decree and zero actual prosecutions does not appear to qualify.


“Now go to your room and think about what you’ve done.”


Warren said in July that nothing would change at the big banks until “actual human beings are held accountable.”

truer words never spoken



Remember - the “companies are people” judgement from the supremes. When some one starts to throw these criminals (fraud at the very least) into jail, I will believe it. Until then, bah…


In the early 90’s I switched from Wells Fargo to a credit union available from my employer. I’d been with them for only one year, after moving to CA. I went to a WF branch personally, sat down with someone at a desk, took out all of my money, and closed my account, with explicit confirmation, face to face, that my account was indeed no longer a thing that existed.

A few years later I was trying to move to a new rental with friends (Bay Area living woot), and my application was turned down because of bad credit. Turns out WF had NOT closed my account, and began charging me fees for maintaining a zero balance, never told me, and choose to mess up my finances. We lost that particular place because of the timing. Four people! But I cleared it up and worked with WF on the phone to get my credit fixed and the account closed. Whew!

A few years later I was trying to buy a Saturn and my loan was turned down because of bad credit. Turns out WF had NOT closed my account, and began charging me fees for maintaining a zero balance, never told me, and just kneed my credit in the crotch. I was able to get that cleared up too, and took a lot of pleasure explaining how I had already been through this with them and there was zero way I was responsible for anything and fix it now PLEASE RIGHT? I had the confidence of practice!

It was not a great customer experience.


Gee. I thought the CFPB was kaput, all hope was lost, an eternal darkness had fallen, etc.

What could explain this development?


“Now you go to your executive luxury thinking pod and consider what you’ve done!”


Remember business culture is built around a doctrine of constant, uncontained growth. A business that isn’t growing by at least 4% a year is viewed as an utter failure, tottering on the brink of bankruptcy. So zero growth sounds silly to outsiders, but to their board, it’s cruel and unusual punishment.

The punch line: the expectation of constant growth set the whole deal up in the first place.


That’s a point - if companies are people, what happened to all those conspiracy and joint venture laws the cops love using to put people away for breathing while nearby a criminal doing something criminal?


This no-growth thing may sound like not much, but it’s the second most serious penalty the Fed can impose, after denying access to Federal Reserve funds. The Fed doesn’t have prosecutorial powers and doesn’t have the ability to yank a bank’s charter (although denying access to funds would have the same effect).


This is just like when I killed and ate all those puppies, and the court ordered that I couldn’t get a promotion until I proved that I could do my unsupervised night-watchman job at the dog pound without killing and eating too many more puppies. Justice was done and I learned my lesson [burp]



If you click through to the CNN story, they have a video of Warren Buffet at some important looking event talking about the mistakes Wells Fargo made, while sitting next to a big box labelled ‘peanut brittle’ that the person next to him is munching on.

Ooo - I fucking LOVE peanut brittle.

Leave It To Fargo