One thing about people that badger others about not being happy or cheerful enough is that the scolding person is often chronically depressed but has a super cheerful affect. The more aggressive they are about scolding other people, the more likely they are to have a history of severe depression and suicide attempts.
Iâve had a very different experience. Since the normal response of cancer patients is to feel sadness, depression, why me?, etc., I got a lot of badgering for NOT being that way. At best, some medical staff (and friends) would just look at me quizzically and not say anything. They probably thought I was masking a âsuper cheerful aspectâ, now that I think about it.
One friend of mine, she cries at every single medical appointment. Itâs been nearly 5 years now, so sheâs just on Tamoxifen and occasional check-ins, but the weight of the reality really hits her whenever sheâs in a medical situation. Sheâs considered normal. Sheâs supported and provided with lots of tissues and as much time as she needs to process. Back at home, no friend or family member tells her to stop crying and make the best of it. Her experience is what Iâve seen as the norm.
Iâve never seen ANY cancer patient being admonished to cheer up or otherwise improve their outlook. Maybe in individual families, behind closed doors, but it certainly doesnât seem to be the socially-acceptable way to confront a cancer patient.
That type of person is also likely to be accusing someone of being depressed, so that then they can be in controlling position of lecturing them about what they need to do to stop being depressed. And those accusations can literally be endless until the powerless person finally âconfessesâ to being depressed. Not being depressed is an unforgivable sin, because it deprives the accuser of a handle on the other person. Depression is their stock accusation because itâs a projection of their own depression, which is extremely common for folks who see themselves as being a real âpeople personâ when that is the furthest thing from the truth.
This sounds like a constant personality issue, with cancer merely being the excuse of the day for playing such mind games. Are you saying that medical personnel are likely to be such, or âfriendsâ and family, or is it a general observation?
Well, I donât know which end is up with the control game, but I gotten (now that you mention it) - both the weird âthumbs-upâ thing, and seen the quizzical thing when I crack wise about it on occasion.
Possibly, the truth lies somewhere in the middle there, and we are ALL justâŚkind of human oddities to others in some ways? Canât say for sure, but seems like it. The quizzical stuff doesnât bug me - maybe, because it questions or maybe just surprises, rather than tries to dictate? (Iâll absolutely admit to a distaste for judgmental types and those who try to control others. AndâŚmarketed conformities that give rise to such bs, because individual humans are just too amazing to screw with like that. So yeah - âthumbs upâ really ticks me off, lol. Reeeeeally.)
aluchko - yeah. She wayyyy does not like that guy! I have no hard position on Burzynski, myself. His side of the story has to do with patent theft and bureaucratic abuses. Thereâs a documentary on Netflix. Titled just, âBurzynskiâ. Maybe youâd like to watch it and see what you think. (I havenât re-watched it yet, myself. Iâd seen itâŚI think, before Xeni got mad enough to start writing about him.) I only knew about the TX Medical Board stuff because a doc I met was treating Multiple Chemical Sensitivity, and they went after him, claiming he was a fraud and a huckster, when I know for fact that guy is not. When the facts about the Board finally came out, it was clear that they were all into witch-hunting during that particular period, and there were others who got caught up in it, as well. So, I do believe that portion of what Burzynski says about is own experience with it. Still - no hard conclusions, beyond the fact that B. isnât lying about absolutely everything.
The rest? Dunno. Not sure I will ever arrive at an opinion at all. I only mentioned it because it formed an apropos and close example about that âdevotedâ business and how our own personal biases can drive our opinions so hard. We all saw the same articles, and man! Reaction was ALL over the place. I just kinda got into questioning the general furor over it much harder than what any of those 3 people actually believes. Like - ok, wonderful so many people feel so protective of that sick lady. Thatâs cool. What did that guy do? DurrrâŚdidnât look nearly as bad as it sounded. SoâŚwhyâŚuhhh⌠are they reacting to her feeling bad about it, or him not turning up in sack cloth and ashesâŚorâŚwhat IS this thing, anyway?! I didnât react until I realized they were both talking about some intense real-life stuff, and it was actually threatening to turn into some kind of spectator sport . Thinking? Cool. Talking? Cool. Mass Human-Bashing (without so much as a Belieber or some random Gawker nutjob stirring up âlikesâ?). WTH?. Not so much. Not over something so life-or-death to so many. It deserves better. THAT got me. Just that thing.
I detest this hatred of hope that the media and modern society seems to have. Any time someone prays for better health or blogs about cancer or talks about God, you have people snarling and ready to call them idiots.
Hope is a necessary part of healing. Of course it isnât the only thing, but someone without hope wonât put forth the energy necessary to get better. A person without hope wonât follow doctorâs orders. Who cares if itâs false hope?
Whatâs actually harmful for someone who is sick is this sort of cynicism. They already know thereâs a good chance theyâll die. Sometimes, they need someone to show them they might be the rare case that doesnât.
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