Meet the people who've volunteered to die on Mars

I think you’ve hit my sticking point. How will they replenish the supplies of Scotch? I’m not sure I could face the barren, empty vistas of Mars without a great single malt bracer. Did they learn nothing from Shackleton?

6 Likes

I think that just perpetuates the problem of people perceiving that there is anything “naughty” about sex. Better to just accept it as a normal thing, like when people brush their teeth.

It’s only naughty when you do it right.

5 Likes

They’ll have to be happy with vodka. Or some variant of pontikka. It’s fairly doable and not that difficult.

2 Likes

i actually know one of the people in the running for this – she’s a neighbor of mine. she’s made two cuts so far. we’ll see where it goes. she’s a really cool person, really intelligent, really curious about everything. i still can’t wrap my head around why she’s up for this, but if it happens, whoa.

3 Likes

Nope, we will force our christian values down the throat of any alien race; “Hey you alien! Stop sticking those phalanges in to that other alien’s cavities! What? You are only one being? STOP MAKING JESUS CRY!”. At least until they start shooting us with death rays.

And it is that perception that the entire porn industry makes money on (or used to make money on, anyway) so why shouldn’t a company looking to make more capital to further the human race exploit it?

3 Likes

Because I’m not Christian? What if my religion requires open sexual activity?

And besides, sex is real and capital isn’t. Sex exists in a post-scarcity economy.

Oh…uh that means I need to force my christian values on you… STOP MAKING JESUS CRY!

They’re sending the break-room fridge to Mars?

13 Likes

Stop humping my leg on Mars for Jesus! His tears are making me wet and slippery!

1 Like

“I don’t blame you, man. I wouldn’t want a guy like Quaid porkin’ my old lady.”

2 Likes

I college, when I was a sophomore, a senior had as his final project the plan to converrt a VW Scirocco into a shuttle and launch it into orbit. There were multiple events, including the 3 days he spent locked in it eating cheezwiz and playing nintendo (you could watch a livestream of said activities) and the unveiling of the homemade spacesuit and the the shuttle itself at various stages, (the glued on ceramic tiles! the life support system installation! etc…). The whole thing ended in a concert/launch that was attended by a sizable portion of the student body. Needless to say the subtle fizzle of the craft’s main engine was appropriately anticlimactic, but the making-of documentary was pretty priceless.

4 Likes

But this project is supposedly going to be fueled (funded) by the power of reality TV…the same supernatural force that turned inexplicable-dark-void-of-personality Kim Kardashian into a billion dollar enterprise…

Of course, the ones with a sniff of educationality about them aren’t exactly bringing in mission-to-mars money…

I can see them recruiting cameramen.

“We need you to film the adventures of these people going to Mars who will never return to Earth.”
“Cool! - uh, wait a sec…”

4 Likes

Yeah, I saw that episode of Dr. Who. It didn’t turn out very well.

6 Likes

But your Christian values make baby Lenin cry.

3 Likes

Last I heard, we hadn’t managed to make anything close to a sealed, self-sustaining habitat on Earth even.

You may have missed the part where they intend to set up “several Earth based simulation outposts for training, technology try-outs and evaluation.” [Link]

Think of it as “Big Brother: The Space Competition edition.” Multiple habitats. Competing teams.

“Do you have what it takes to live without sex in a simulated Mars outpost while we earn the money to build the rockets to send the Lucky Winners there?”

(Without having sex on-camera, anyway. :smile:)

This really does have some impressive reality-TV potential.

3 Likes

If there’d be a flavor that would go more into the man-machine interaction than the usual interpersonal crap such shows are based on, I could even watch.

3 Likes

You can make ‘live the rest of their natural lives’ and ‘no space babies’ easier by only sending nonagenarians.

2 Likes