Shark repellants don't work

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Best shark repellent ever invented: stay out of the damn water where sharks are swimming.

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Not even Batman’s?

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Snark repellent? Yeah, like that’ll work.

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Yeah, tell that to Tara Reid.

(Or Jane Curtain…)

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Have they tried this?

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Basically, any NY-based funny lady in the 70’s…

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Would have worked, if she’d remembered to fold the custard into the egg whites, instead of the other way around.

Wait. That wasn’t a shark, it was just a candygram. Nevermind.

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What about the ducks? Won’t somebody please think of the ducks?

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Pshaw, next thing you’re going to tell me my tiger repelling rock doesn’t work either.

I dunno. Something tells me Julia Child might not be the best person to go to when it comes to repelling sharks…

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Goddamn it. Beat me to it by —><— that much.

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Today we will be making shark repellent, which is just too wonderfully delicious for words.

We will need a ready to cook duckling, fresh green apples, one teaspoon of balsamic vinegar, and a pinch of cinnamon.

… doesn’t work you say, hmm.

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Ack! The dreaded Oompa-Truumpa! Some solutions are worse than the problem–I’ll keep the sharks.

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