A beautiful personal essay from a transwoman in the closet

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2016/09/14/a-beautiful-personal-essay-fro.html


Wow. That hits close to home. I transitioned at the age of 40. I remember some very heated interactions with women in cis spaces because my opinions on some trans issues were different. I looked to them like I was a girl. Therefore I should shut up and listen, right?

The worst was when I was told transgender folks should never disclose to partners if they are post transition. My perspective is always disclose because if your partner can’t handle that you are trans, they are not the one for you. I have a 25 year marriage based on being open about my gender issues. However, I wasn’t out at the time, and I got an Internet sized heaping of abuse, and death threats for it. It sure made me hesitant to seek trans friendly spaces.

Similar things happen for transmen sometimes when they speak in mixed gender spaces. It’s clear transwomen have a lot more violence, and a harder time with societies perceptions. However, I watched a middle aged trans woman shouting at a teen transman about how he’d have a fake ‘shrimp dick’ and all sorts of abuse. Those of us that were trans masculine didn’t attend that group again. We talked on FB instead. I wish that was the only time I’d seen that, but there are a lot of gender socialization, reactions, and weirdness with multi-gender trans spaces. Nonbinary folks get the worst of it.

One of the people I’m closest to is like the author of that piece. ‘He’s’ a big hulking masculine man bodied person. If he could transition seamlessly, he would, but it’s not likely he’d ever “pass” as a woman. He’s fought all the things the author has, and gets shouted out of women’s spaces. It’s really heartbreaking to watch.

I guess I’m just writing an essay here. It was a good article. You can’t know what someone is going through by looking at them.


Good, but deeply painful read. Had to stop roundabout when I got to the part quoted in the original post…


This is why I can’t read it at all. I know I could make comparisons between my experiences and theirs, but I am not mentally strong enough right now.


Yeah, it’s like, probing an old wound can be helpful if done in moderation, but you gotta know when not to touch it…


Rain falls hard, burns dry. A dream or a song.


Finally read all of it. Hell, that was good stuff. Sharp as a knife.


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