Shadow Work Journaling
Pretty low-hanging fruit there. . .
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Are you depressed? Have you tried ruminating on that depression? It really helps me stay depressed about how depressed I am!
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Itâs true, ruminants rarely do seem especially happy.
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I mean, just look at it.
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I canât say Iâm okay yet, but certainly doing better. Iâll know for sure in May, but I think my estrogen levels are finally starting to go up. I can now look in the mirror without wincing and instantly seeing a guy. It wonât seem like much to anyone whoâs never suffered from dysphoria, but wowâthis is such a profound step for me.
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When I started regularly seeing me in the mirror instead of him, it was such a great change, so I completely get you! Iâm definitely not OK either, mostly thanks to the world around me basically hating my guts for daring to be myself, but itâs a lot better than the gray empty nothingness that was my life before.
Congrats on the milestone, hope things keep changing in the ways you want. 
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Au contraire, ma sĹur! This is huge!
You wrote you arenât all the way where you want to be yet, but congratulations on this milestone.
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Wonderful to hear! Thanks for sharing with us!
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Youâre winning, hon, just keep being you as hard as you can!!
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Thanks
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Thatâs better than okay. Why itâs âGood (Encouraging) Stuffâ even! Congratulations!
Youâve earned this step and you deserve it.
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Wonderful even!
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Thanks
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An update, had my appointment today and i was right â my estrogen levels have gone up and are within the target range. Testosterone remains effectively nonexistent and progesterone was added to my regimen.
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Hell yeah!!!
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Woohoo!
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To start offâI am okay, not seeking any sort of emotional supportâjust venting. Whatever follows constitutes a stream of consciousness and is nothing more than an emotional release to keep myself from boiling overâbetween the continued societal acceptance of mass death, an increase in rainbow capitalisms acceptance of transphobia and other anti LGBTQ sentiment, as well as our steady descent into fascism, I need a release and this is better place than derailing some other thread.
Iâm already a couple of drinks deep with more coming because FUUUCCCKKK do I miss the numbness of semi-depressionâfuck you HRT and the return of healthy emotional responses. Other than the death of a grandparent and the dysphoric breakdown that necessitated my transition, I havenât cried in a long time. Yet here I am, in a state of unfamiliar emotional health as we descend into madnessâlearning to process things all over again.
As much as the transphobia bothers me, a bunch of dead children has just crushed me. What the fuck are we doing? Things were so much easier when I didnât feelâwhen I could just dismiss emptiness for rationality. Is this really who we are, who we aspire to beâa nation that accepts the regularity of mass death? Because, as much as itâs my or the the fault of anyone here, we do in a small way share the blame for the society we inhabit. We are falling into darkness and I donât see us getting out.
The Columbine massacre occurred when I was a teenager and mass killings have only increased. For a time I found solace in the increasing support for LGBTQ and other minority groups rights. Yet, here we lie on the precipice of the backlash. I find comfort in the knowledge that things have been worse before and those before me persevered. As I stated before, I am okay and I am ready to fight back against the growing darknessâI donât need hugs or support, just the catharsis of releasing internal tension. Iâll wake up tomorrow, feel a little better, continue on with my life and persevere, while I continue to process the direction we are headed.
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