So, lets say you take a hit. Professionally, romantically, physically, politically…
What do you do next to make sure you’re taking care of yourself?
I usually start with cleaning my house, sometimes rearranging it. I’m considering joining a gym. How about you?
Don’t have any good advice, sorry, but just to say, hope you’re okay AP
Exercise and fresh air for me, both of them ideally at the same time and on my own. YMMV, of course, in any of those particulars. Hope you’re OK!
Oh hey, I’m fine. Personal life took a blow but, like, that’s life
Never rule out the tuck-and-roll-and-stand-back-up-again-all-in-one-swift-motion as a method of startling enemies and onlookers alike into stepping the fuck off.
I make lists of things.
and so forth. And then I get started and keep busy. And remember to eat meals regularly.
Art, crafting, be around positive persons.
We had a loss in the family and some general shit going on, so we crafted props for a local drag queen/burlesque Christmas production over the weekend and went to a Lit crawl, just sat back and listened to speakers. It was nice.
Sadly the time of year isn’t ideal, but I like biking and hiking as well as gym stuff.
This is a go to for me. It gives me something to focus on and helps prove to me either I’m above the behavior or stronger than the event that knocked me down.
I also like to go get a haircut. It’s a treat as I do it myself most of the time.
Ah yeah, volunteering is also cool and a good way to interact with positive persons. Your local Food Not Bombs chapter always has need for persons to cook and distribute soup or whatever to the homeless.
Now that is a Christmas show I want to see!
@AcerPlatanoides
If you start to feel down, get up and get out of the house/apartment/domicile/castle/yurt and go outside! Fresh air, sunlight, moonlight, starlight can do wonders for you.
To me, it’s having a support group around me. I’ve been starting a business for the past year. It has been just an exercise is fuck up fuck up fuck up. But I have a great group of people around me who I talk to who whisper in my ear, “Keep going!” right when I really feel like it’s time to stop. Even if you have to pay someone to do it, you have to have people who believe in you.
I drink a whisky drink.
I drink a vodka drink.
I drink a lager drink.
I drink a cider drink.
I sing the songs that remind me of the good times.
I sing the songs that remind me of the better times.
Honestly, though (I don’t actually drink)?
I clean my house. It makes me feel better and helps me get my mind in order.
I sing cathartic angry songs, and then happy hopeful songs.
And then I go online and write something long and spend an hour debating about whether or not to post it.
I also use it to wrongfoot depressive thinking. Even if my own life and anything I do for myself is meaningless, I’m generally not nearly as hard on those around me and my internal argument doesn’t make me think that other people are worthless and have meaningless lives. Once you’ve proved to yourself that you can do something that you consider meaningful, it’s easier to start feeling better about yourself.
The answers here are so uplifting and useful. It’s wonderful to see how many different ways are good paths through the storm.
If I’m being totally honest, I hole up as much as possible until my brain works through it and I feel I can be functional in general society again.
And music is crucial.
People around me have been pretty hard on me historically, and recently. I’ve just got out of a relationship that i finally recognized as way way way too controlling, and tried to work on, with someone I have realized was increasingly less wonderful towards me and increasingly hard on me and my preferences, to the point of being emotionally abusive and escalating for the last couple months.
I am glad that I knew to call it (in this case, absolutely let her break it off without any challenge, and leave the scene entirely before it gets worse) when the physical violence started - in my case she woke me up screaming at me, which I consider physical violence, or terrorizing.
I don’t think I’m too hard on myself, but I do need to be diligent about self-care after things like this. They happened when I was a kid, and I feel pretty okay about walking away from it with some sadness as an adult, since I am now free to and I have plenty of power - even if I don’t know what to do with myself currently.
As for work, mine comes in drips and drabs, and pays well enough to do so. I’d like to be busier, and everyone wish me luck, I interviewed (2 days before being dumped) for a full time position that really suited the needs of a guy trying to possibly marry a widow with two kids - a guy I am not anymore.
Thank you all for the suggestion about lists and such, I totally do that. And I do have friends, but not nearly as many as I used to. I see that I got isolated from them, largely a self-inflicted wound - with some contribution by the ex, lately - but in reaching out I am definitely finding a lot of people glad to hear from me.
Music is actually a great suggestion, and I hope I get there soon. The relationship had a lot of music in it, and she was a musician, so I’ll wait for that urge to come back. Great advice though.
Another thing thing I am making a point to do is to think compassionate forgiving thoughts about my ex-. She is a human being in a tough spot, too. I’m sure she did her best, and it is merely unfortunate that her best was so far from what she said it was. I know she is not the strongest person in the world, and I accept that she believe this was the best outcome. I make a point to wish people well even when i feel badly, even when i think they didn’t try, but forgiveness is different from forgetting. Failing to curb violent impulses is a deal breaker.
Thanks fellow community members! Heartbreak and disappointments suck, but we’ve all been there. I like this crowdsourcing of ideas a lot.
And for anyone who worries, Friday when this went down every hour felt like a day. As of this morning every hour is about 2 and a half hours. If that makes any sense. I suspect that by the time I have to get back to work in a couple days an hour will be an hour again, and hopefully before long, even less - because that’s what happens when you’re really living.
Or at least when I am.
I am a dog owner for exactly this reason.
I have not had a haircut in years. I used to grow my hair out in the winter for warmth, and then have it cut short when the weather warms up. I got tired of explaining, “yes I know what a tight fade is, yes I’m sure” every first haircut of the season, only to have them compromise and go with a shortish Ivy League. After that I started to cut my own hair, and now I don’t have much left to cut. I have no idea what a professional haircut would look like on me anymore, especially now that I don’t have too much hair to work with.
