People around me have been pretty hard on me historically, and recently. I’ve just got out of a relationship that i finally recognized as way way way too controlling, and tried to work on, with someone I have realized was increasingly less wonderful towards me and increasingly hard on me and my preferences, to the point of being emotionally abusive and escalating for the last couple months.
I am glad that I knew to call it (in this case, absolutely let her break it off without any challenge, and leave the scene entirely before it gets worse) when the physical violence started - in my case she woke me up screaming at me, which I consider physical violence, or terrorizing.
I don’t think I’m too hard on myself, but I do need to be diligent about self-care after things like this. They happened when I was a kid, and I feel pretty okay about walking away from it with some sadness as an adult, since I am now free to and I have plenty of power - even if I don’t know what to do with myself currently.
As for work, mine comes in drips and drabs, and pays well enough to do so. I’d like to be busier, and everyone wish me luck, I interviewed (2 days before being dumped) for a full time position that really suited the needs of a guy trying to possibly marry a widow with two kids - a guy I am not anymore.
Thank you all for the suggestion about lists and such, I totally do that. And I do have friends, but not nearly as many as I used to. I see that I got isolated from them, largely a self-inflicted wound - with some contribution by the ex, lately - but in reaching out I am definitely finding a lot of people glad to hear from me.
Music is actually a great suggestion, and I hope I get there soon. The relationship had a lot of music in it, and she was a musician, so I’ll wait for that urge to come back. Great advice though.
Another thing thing I am making a point to do is to think compassionate forgiving thoughts about my ex-. She is a human being in a tough spot, too. I’m sure she did her best, and it is merely unfortunate that her best was so far from what she said it was. I know she is not the strongest person in the world, and I accept that she believe this was the best outcome. I make a point to wish people well even when i feel badly, even when i think they didn’t try, but forgiveness is different from forgetting. Failing to curb violent impulses is a deal breaker.
Thanks fellow community members! Heartbreak and disappointments suck, but we’ve all been there. I like this crowdsourcing of ideas a lot.