Are you okay?

I’m doing better than when I made that. The incident itself wasn’t too bad, but I had just started gaining the confidence to stop for a drink on my own and that was only my second time doing so. It will be a while before I even think of trying again.


Still… it really sucks that so many people just… go out of their way to make others not want to just exist out in public… I hope you can find a nice place to just hang out and have a drink… we all deserve that kind of place…

norm GIF


An apology is owed, to all users here.

My relatively short time as a user has been marred by removed posts, a two-week timeout, and an direct rejoinder from @jlw, the publisher. These are not things ideal to a fledgling user and these are not things to which a user should aspire.

I fully expected to have been banned because of my aberrant behavior.

I value the community here and I have thought quite a bit about how I’ve effed up. I don’t want to lose my place here and I am working to not place myself in a situation where I might say or post something I will regret.

It is at this point that I would like to hope that my apology can be conveyed to any users I’ve hurt, upset, or offended; and to those who might not see this because they have possibly ignored or blocked me. It was never my intention to hurt anyone and I’m sorry.

That said, I’m going offline to think and reflect some more. I have a busy offline week and won’t be back until Sunday, 24 March. Wishing a pleasant day to all.


This isn’t an airport and you do not need to announce your departure.


So Norway is out of eggs.

This sounds like a fun little news story but it has caused me a genuine crisis tonight.

You see, this was the last day before all shops close for Easter until Monday (they’re open for a while on Saturday, but I highly doubt they’ll get eggs delivered for that). I have seen the headlines for a while and kinda dismissed them because previous “crises” here have meant you may have to go to a second shop or buy the version of the product you like less. Today after work I walked to seven different stores in the rain and carrying two bulging shopping bags as well as my laptop bag. None of them had eggs. I also missed the last bus home.

Easter is a very important holiday for me. I tend to get depressed by the tail end of winter and the spring that Easter symbolises is something I look forward to from January on. It’s an anchor. The light at the end of the tunnel.

I bake a traditional German Osterzopf for Easter each year, which helps with the homesickness that comes from spending such an important holiday alone in another country. I’ve posted it here before and it is a ritual that I really enjoy and that reminds me of home.

Well, you need eggs for that, so there’s that.


:hugs: Easter without eggs is horrifying. My mom’s side of the family is Eastern European and Easter is the only holiday we keep with them every year. We do a deep clean of everything the week before and then on Good Friday the baking starts. I go through several dozen eggs, not including those for painting of which there must be at least 2 per person visiting. By Saturday night there is so much food prepared no one needs to cook until Tuesday. Sunday morning the feasting and visiting begins and by Monday night everyone goes home with enough sweets to satisfy any sweet tooth.

I know some recipes it is possible to use substitutions for eggs, but from my experience they don’t work the same.

I feel for you because I needed to celebrate surviving seasonal depression and months of insomnia before I started taking Vit D and using a sunlight in the winter. There is something about baking that heals the soul and having an excuse to make and share pretty goodies makes me happy. :hugs:


Yeah, without baking it’s not half the holiday it is. There’s a real joy about Easter and I have no doubt that whatever religion it originated in put it where it is to celebrate the end of the dark days. Just like Christmas (and any equivalent holidays) help getting over that deep winter bump.

I have messaged a friend of mine who I happen to know has recently ordered eggs (and in hindsight I now see why). Hopefully she can help me out once she sees the message tomorrow.


Heidi Klum Wow GIF by Lifetime

That is very fucked up…


I hope you find something to bake, either substituting a different project or a friend comes through with eggs. I find baking centering/anchoring, especially when the rest of my life is wobbly.

We are also not beholden to the exact calendar, these are Christmas cookies my daughter and I baked in July, a couple years back.


Thanks. I’m sure there will be something. If nothing else, I’ll make crumpets. I love a crumpet breakfast and there’s no egg in them.


Have you ever felt like you made the wrong choice in life and it’s simply irrevocable? I feel like my life has been charmed up to this point, like every decision up until this one has put me in a better place than where I was before. On paper, the decision that I made last year looks great. I should be happy. So why am I miserable?

Last year, I was unhappy with my job and looking to make a change. I was, however, happy with where I was living; Kobe is a great city and I had a lot of good friends there (though many of us had drifted apart during the pandemic). At the same time, we found out that my wife was pregnant with our second child last spring. And so, we decided that I would change careers and use the opportunity to relocate closer to my mother-in-law’s house.

I pulled the trigger and bought a new house in Abiko, about an hour outside of Tokyo. It’s close to grandma, who is a huge help in raising our kids (who are a handful). But I hate it here. It’s a bedroom community, which means that there is a train station, a couple of supermarkets, some apartment complexes, and nothing else. I don’t know anyone here. I don’t really know anyone in Tokyo, but even if I did, an hour away by train requires more energy than I seem to have right now.

And then there’s the job. The job looked great on paper: a management position in an IT company at much better pay than what I was earning before. And then the IT company merged with an even larger IT company, and the corporate culture changed overnight. The job is extremely stressful. There are always a million fires to put out, but I have a lot less autonomy after the merger, and still every mistake that I make as a manager reverberates back among the team. Although I am able to work from home and set my own hours, I work long hours and end up exhausted at the end of the day. And then my kids want to play, but I don’t have the time or energy.

And my wife blames me for not doing my part, and says that I should just change jobs if I’m too tired and stressed out. But it’s not so easy. Especially if you are in a management position in a profession (interpreting) where management positions did not even exist a decade ago.

This month, I finally sold my condo in Kobe. I didn’t want to sell it. I set the asking price really high. I made a profit, but I haven’t touched the money. I don’t want to touch the money. I want my old home back in Kobe. And now that’s gone and that part of my life is over.

And I just keep coming back to this idea of this perfect life on paper, taking all of the right steps to success, and yet I’m miserable and building up stress with no outlet. And I don’t even know what I want. I don’t want to go back to my old job. I don’t exactly want to take a lower-paying job, though I may have to. I can’t exactly afford to move again, and I don’t know if that would even help.

Anyway, I don’t need any comments or feedback. I just wanted to articulate what I am feeling (for the first time in my native language) in the hopes of getting it off my chest.


Fwiw I have 100% undeniably made the wrong choice in life while trying to do the right thing and had completely irreversible and permanent consequences. But I guess I don’t really know what all those other alternate realities look like so it’s just self-harm to obsess over it. I hope you find a pace of life and sense of community that works better for you and your family though.


Same. Unquestionably bad choices leading to bad outcomes, but considering that i really like where i am now, and without those idiotic fuck-ups, i would not be here, i have learned to live with them. Advice? The best i can tell you is, you can’t change the past, and trying to can sacrifice the future. Start where you are and try to go forward. Because, honestly, it’s all you can do, and that’s what’s going to happen anyway. Try to make it worth the one life you’ve got.


Bummer! I remember when you got this job and it seemed like such a positive thing at the time. Things took a crummy turn.
I can relate to the, “oh no, why did I decide to live here?” sentiment. It’s not as deep as what you’re going through, but it will definitely inform the decision next time I’m relocating.
I’m looking at the whole thing as a learning opportunity and trying to make the best of it in the meantime. I know that’s hard to do when you’re already drained from work stress and familial obligations, though. Sending you good vibes.


People don’t tend to make major changes in their lives thinking they will make things worse.we like to see those choices and changes as “taking control” improving our situation” “making something of myself”. That sometimes we will find that our choices lead to the wrong outcome seems inevitable. No one never makes a bad choice, or finds a given situation looked better from a distance. So we try again. Even just admitting that the outcome wasn’t what we wanted can make living with it easier, as we can stop putting on the happy face and slog along until we can change something. Find a redeeming facet of the current situation and focus on that.
As any other human who has had to make choices can say-been there, done that.


I have. I moved away from the mid-sized city on the Canadian prairies I grew up in after 40 years living there, and moved to the big city (Vancouver) thinking it would be a positive change, and it just wasn’t. I was far from everyone I knew, and while the job I took to move there was great, I discovered I’m just not a big city girl. I was miserable, living in an expensive shoebox in a city I could barely afford to do stuff in. I felt stuck.

As luck would have it, a job opened up back with my old team in Saskatchewan, and I applied and got it, and moved back 2 months ago. I am making less, but it goes further and I still love my job, so it’s been a huge positive change.

There’s no need to stay in a situation that’s actively making you unhappy. It will affect every part of your life. I’m still recovering from the mental and physical (I was too depressed to go out much, so my fitness levels plummeted) but I’m well on the way.

I understand feeling like you’ll never be able to fix the mistake, but you definitely can. It might take some time (in my case, a year - I got lucky), but it is fixable if you really want it.


I happy to be able to say the negative effects of the bar incident haven’t stuck with me as long as I thought they would. I’ve already considered going back alone (I haven’t yet). It might be a while before I actually try going alone again, but the reasons for that have to do with internal issues I’m still working through, not fear. So I consider the fact that I was considering going out alone again a positive development.