It seems he sacrificed his dream of being publicly respected, which is a deeper tragedy - it shows how he’s disoriented on a pretty deep level. That big respectable office was his dream - and what it meant, being seen as legit.
Instead he let it all go, largely because he wants Kim’s respect and also genuinely wants her to do well, or at least not do badly because of him. And he let it all go - even letting go of money no one else would know about and that he could get away with keeping, because it would be as he says with finger quotes “the right thing”.
But he doesn’t have it straightened out. It hurts him awfully. He feels like a failure, because of how he fears other people see him - and how he wants to be free of that fear, but hasn’t thought it through in that the only way to really be free is not to care.
That’s what I see, anyway…
