Considering the thread tone, I’d describe it as a mighty load of guano.
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More like rooster. And I feel like there might be more bird droppings around…
ETA: just realised Ms. Hahn was trying to chicken out of this. Swell.
Anyone for a game of Duck, Duck, Duck?
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I have a rim shot app.
I just hit it for you.
Rails, Crakes and Coots is one of the better web pages, for all the lack of webbed feet.
https://www.rspb.org.uk/birds-and-wildlife/wildlife-guides/bird-a-z/rails-crakes-coots/
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Are we sure these are their real names? Or are new employees given an avian-related name as part of their induction?
“Congratulations on joining Bird, Ms. Jones. Here is your employee ID badge, it’s good for a 5% discount at the Starbucks in the foyer. Just sign here, here and this NDA here. And finally, sign this change of name deed. Thank you, Ms. Haubentaucher. Welcome to Bird.”
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Well that’s just fantastic. Let’s break out the celebratory bunting.
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Careful there, Cory… don’t give them ideas 
Your argument-by-absurdity might actually be the symptom of something a little more scary.
Carrying a screwdriver on an airplane might already get you in prison. Where I live, this is currently being expanded to public transport in general. Pseudo-public spaces like malls, or company areas, are next. On your own property, smoking tobacco might get you in serious social and even legal trouble; why not wielding a screwdriver?
People who make stuff are inherently scary to corporations. They do not contribute to their profits, or might even screw with them.
When people are asked to define in one word or sentence what the political system of Western countries is, the usual reply is something along the lines of “democracy”. But we do know this is only partially true, for democracy has no say where private property is concerned. So a more accurate answer would be “democracy under the caveat of private property”. We also know that this economy has to constantly expand, and constantly concentrate, under the threat of going under. Our corporate overlords fight a constant battle to expand their property, and their influence; and of central interest to them are “capital goods”, goods that are necessary to make more goods. And their first instrument in this battle is market control, and their second instrument is legal.
In the age of heavy industry, this usually referred to factories, machines, natural resources. Regulating screwdrivers would not have been practical. But it just might be, in a de-industrialized society that is constantly being re-geared, from making stuff to merely selling stuff made or extracted elsewhere; and where a whole caste of people is constantly occupied with expanding a legal system with new rules and regulations, transitioning it from a “blacklisting” type where certain things are forbidden, to a “whitelisting” one where only certain things are allowed.
A screwdriver? Who do you think you are? We are not talking about a constitutionally guaranteed gun here. So let’s see your credit score, criminal record and voter registration first!
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I didn’t think that was a bird pun, but it seemed a little seedy so I looked up. Please forgrebe my doubt.
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Well, your admission was swift so no need to quail, even though there was a risk you’d look like a bit of a twite confessing your discovery in this sort of a chat.
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Breaking story:
“In the quest for curbing illegal activities related to our vehicles, our legal team overstretched and sent a takedown request related to the issue to a member of the media. This was our mistake and we apologise to Cory Doctorow.”
@jlw as publisher of this independent news outlet is also owed an apology.
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Ugh now we need to do NEW puns? Give me a brake.
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I wonder if they’re just trying to avoid bad publicity, or it’s a sincerely ear-nest apology.
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There, fixed it.
EDIT: Apologies, I didn’t get my bearings before writing my response.
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I’m sure Bird just issued the apology to avoid going tits-up.
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You can’t spell ‘scooter’ without ‘coot’!
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Are you disappointed? Bittern? Don’t be. The users have done starling work in mocking Bird and their silly scoters. “Go fly a kite!” they have said, “Here we stand. We shall not budgie. Teal with it!”
I for one am totally choughed at the response.
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Maybe they realized making ‘empty but scary-sounding’ threats was a bird-brained idea?
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Certainly not the best day for Bird’s legal eagles. Some times even trained people just macaw the wrong moves.
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