Collaborators needed!

Continuing the discussion from to delete archives and silence streams containing music:



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Of course, the hardest part of creating 599 separate works of music is coming up with unique and interesting titles. Even Mozart couldn’t do this, falling back on the tired old convention of “Symphony No. N”

So to help me out here, I’m looking for assistance with titles. To make this systematic, let’s just work our way up from 0’1", to 10’0"

Bonus points for a description of the work.

Bonus, bonus points for a critical review of the premier of the work.

Anyone who participates in this thread will receive a generous cut of all royalty checks and infringement settlements for the work they described.

Thank you very much, in advance!

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I’ll get this started with the title for 0’1"

Silent Unity

This piece is scored for a single atom of Cesium 133. Despite the brevity of the work, it consists of 9192631770 movements, each corresponding to the transition between two hyperfine levels of the ground state of the instrument.

At its premier, the ephemeral work was completely ignored by the critics of the day, who were such Philistines they could not recognize its undeniable artistic merit.


0’2": The Lonely Sign

This suspenseful piece tells the story of a street sign that has been passed by a car and its wait to see if it will happen again.

It is considered one of the best from The Carnival of the Inanimate Objects, an homage to Saint-Saëns. Critics have accused the whole series of being much too literal in the sounds it allows, but grant this piece at least has the virtue of being over quickly.


I’m so much lazier than thou. I would have just scraped the Huffing Boing thread for titles.

0’3": Gimmie Three Secs

The average elapsed time between when one has been caught cheating and the full neurological engagement of the fight-flight response. During this composition, the listener is tempted to contemplate the merits of consensual non-monogamy, but, alas, the contemplation is cut short by the sudden ending crescendo.

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0’4":Four Ever

This elegiac piece echos with the feeling of eternity encapsulated in a moment.

“Bravo,” says the NY Times, “when it is performed, I feel in my bones that forever is just a pause in the space time continuum and marvel that infinity can be discovered within a few brief seconds.”

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0’5": 5ive

Evocative of a jazz drummer’s deviation from the standard beat.

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0’6" : Sixth of Never

This work is scored for two bongos and three marimbas, to be played by a single, un-trained percussionist. In fact, the performance notes indicate that the musician should be thoroughly intoxicated, if at all possible.

At its debut, the performing artist vomited on the instruments immediately after the conclusion, a sentiment echoed by all of the reviewers.

07": Sexytime

A sexy seven seconds spills forward in an orgasmic rush.

Mildly more satisfying than the earlier work it builds upon ( @Funruly ) Gimme Three Secs.


0’8": Timing Joke, 2nd mvt.
This understated movement goes with an evocative dance where a performer appears uncertain, pensive, and finally settles on a solution.

In the whole Timing Joke there were also two speaking movements: a first part where they are asked the most important thing in comedy, and then a final part where they reply “timing”. How many people ever appreciated this is not known, but at least these days it might be safer to let the second movement stand on its own.


0`9" : No, nay, never.

A post-folk denial of the traditional form, this a cappella piece resonates with the terror of the singer at their first performance, building to a crescendo of tension through the final third, finally leaving both the performer and the audience ultimately unresolved.

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0’ 10" : Tin Ten Tan

Some pundits considered this to be a composite of [quote=“chenille, post:5, topic:38511”]
The Lonely Sign
[/quote] and [quote=“OtherMichael, post:8, topic:38511”]
[/quote] but later analysis proved it to be a standalone Fantasia.

The recommended instrumentation for this work is a manual adding machine that is not manipulated in any way.

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0’ 11" : Cisza

Apparently initially conceived as the soundtrack to an audio visual installation to feature found art from abandoned photobooths in Warsaw, this was repurposed as an arrangement for kazoo when the musical manuscript was rediscovered in a Brooklyn storage locker.


0’ 12"- Agonies of Torment, Ecstasies of Bloodshed

Originally written as an walk-on intro for a AvantDeath/Doomcore live project.

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0’ 13" :  Order out of Chaos

This piece is intended as a musical representation of the Second Law of Thermodynamics. Arrangement for macaque and camera. Owing to the complexity of the composition, the premiere (performed at the San Diego Zoo) was something of a disaster, although certainly memorable.

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0’ 14" : The horror, the rocky horror!

Originally intended as a musical practical joke in a famous cult film, the piece was axed in favor of a saxophone solo.

Scored for high heels and corset, the work is now often played by dominatrixes for paying clients.

0’ 15" : the crosswalk waltz

Noted for its being featured in many PSAs and safety films.

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0’16": Born on the Run

The feel-good hit of the summer!

Peter Travers, Rolling Stone

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0’17": Seventeen
Seventeen is an American composition for teenagers. It was the first teen composition composed in the United States. The composition’s listener base is 12–19 year-old females.

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