Comedian bemoans the unoriginality in choosing animal sports mascots

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/07/23/comedian-bemoans-the-unorigina.html

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My high school supposedly had a team called the Honeybees, but nobody knew what sport they played. Nobody ever saw them, either, but we loved them anyway!

It was a very small school.

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My younger brother’s school mascot was the gator. The confusing thing was that the mascot they used for… I think was track & field was a bobcat. We would joke and say it was a Canadian gator but I still don’t understand why they had a random bobcat suit/mascot

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fuck, that sounds like a good gig, I bet I can do that shit.

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This is the thought process of literally every heckler ever

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was I not profane enough?

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I went to a high school that had a mascot so specific (and the school was so small) I’d practically dox myself by putting it here…

But I also went to a high school in ND that had the mascot of the Patriots, my wife went to a high school in Massachusetts where her mascot was the Rough Riders. It took us way, way too long to realize how ironic these two were when compared with each other.

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School mascots weren’t a thing at my British secondary school so we have to make do with association football mascots, which are a bit more varied. I still don’t know what Kingsley is supposed to be.
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one school i worked at had a mascot of yellowjacket hornets. another school near my home has the polar bears for its mascot. not far from where i live are team mascots of goats and pigs. one school my hometown played against when i was in school was the killer sheep.

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Band name!

One of the high schools in Ann Arbor has a river rat as the mascot. The administration has tried at least 3 times to change the mascot, each time encountering massive push-back from the students. Thus, they are and will be the river rats.

It could be worse, the dumb trend of naming teams after adverbs could’ve resulted in more teams along the lines of Minnesota Wild. Such a lost opportunity. Could’ve been the Muskies, Moose, Mosquitoes, or even Fighting Loons, but no, a nebulous adverb for a team located in the largest cities in the state.

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My high school mascot was a Pegleg (Pegleg Pete…he was a pirate). Unsurprisingly, we did about as well at sports as you would expect someone with one leg to do.

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Kids these days all sound like your original comment! They probably don’t even hear those as swears! #getoffmylawn

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My school was the “alouettes”, but the precedent was set by the Montreal football team, so i don’t think we can claim originality.

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My grade school was the Greenacres Roadrunners, which wasn’t bad. Middle school was the St. George’s Dragons, which was probably the high water mark. After doing undergrad at UW with the absolutely incessant Huskies marketing, I felt oddly disoriented when I went to grad school at UBC and realized, several weeks in, that I still didn’t know the mascot. (It’s the Thunderbirds, apparently, but I’m not sure I ever saw it used once over the next 2 years.)

But if anyone is ever unwise enough to let me choose a mascot, I know what I’m going with: The Morlocks. Hopefully for a school with a nice alliterative M name. It would be so great. Think of the chants that could be themed around it!

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Go Banana Slugs!

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Where are there a trillion species?

There’s a little town close by that calls themselves the Cobden Appleknockers. They’ve got some little freckled faced redheaded cartoon boy for their mascot…kinda odd because most of the folks that work the orchards are Latinos and not many redheads are actually knocking the apples around. There are some Wasps and Demons in other local town but most are all the dopey animal names. I’d rename a few of them to Knuckledraggers, Mouthbreathers and the like but no one gives a shit about my ideas so there’s that issue

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Utah, the home of helpful hecklers. I wonder if Kellen Erskine knew what he was in for before he took the gig. It is a place where nice, clean comics would do very well though.

There was a middle school we saw in Florida whose team was the Sea Monkeys. I wanted to buy my son one of the souvenir shirts that the school sold, but he thought it was dumb. Six months later he said, “We should have gotten that shirt. It was kind of cool.”

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I hear “Army Ants” is the logical choice.

My parents lived briefly in Colorado, a few blocks away there was a school named Starcraft. I always secretly hoped they had a Protoss or Zerg mascot.

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