Yes, I know. That was my point.
Right! But if I do it, I’m being “unreasonable” or “shrill” (a term that @danimagoo used above), or more problematic terms…
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There absolutely are consequences. Outright flag abuse has resulted in suspensions and banning, including trends of one user constantly flagging another, but the system is designed to very quickly make flags from those who flag and are disagreed with meaningless.
In this specific case two mutants flagged the post in question (including one actively participating). Both flag infrequently but are mostly agreed with, which is why the post was hidden, so I think @DukeTrout is likely correct in this case that folks are very uncomfortable with direct user-to-user interactions like what’s happening in this topic. It’s important to remember that this isn’t the norm, that most flags are good flags, gaming the system is obvious on the back end, and perhaps most importantly as the message says when your post is hidden just because you were flagged doesn’t mean the post was moderator reviewed.
There’s this persistent idea that flag brigading must be going on, but it really isn’t. Most flags are thrown by TL3s and 4s, I.e the people you are conversing with every day, not lurkers or new users. But yes, sometimes people interpret our guidelines differently than the mods (or the wider community) might.
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Did I just mansplain mansplaining and systematic misogyny to you? 
Mea Culpa
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No worries!
See, though… this is a good apology! You could have doubled down when I pointed it out, but you didn’t! You clearly did not see me as going on the attack, and you understood I was not trying to “bully” you… rather I was trying to point out something you might have missed, being a dude! 
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What I take away from this is that there is no silent majority of offended, suffering men.
And there is no cabal of angry, axe swinging women. Which - to be honest- I would find tempting. 
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I will just come out and give my impressions after reading all this.
Personally I’m a woman with a lot of extreme social anxiety. Like the kind that has kept me out of the work force and makes iit challenging to leave the house alone.
This is one of very few places I’m willing to communicate with strangers online.
It seems like, I can’t say for sure but it appears as if, the people who make me feel safe enough to speak here might be the ones making you uncomfortable. And if it’s not them I can’t guess who it might be based on what has been said.
I’m not going to say that’s not unfortunate on some level but it is what prompts me to also feel like the marginalized people are being asked to be even more polite as if we/they were not already thinking before speaking and often biting our tongues.
I know that it’s not explicitly or consciously being asked but I also can’t help but feel there is no other viable response to this perceived issue.
It’s a little like being asked to just loose 5 pounds by someone who doesn’t realize that you just dropped 50 pounds and that about all you had in you to do.
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I have stayed out of this conversation, but this is too much. I am one of those neurodiverse people and I do not feel safe being myself.
I know I’m not a great communicator. I’ve developed a lot of coping mechanisms over the years to compensate which works in most contexts, but they seem to fail here in ways I struggle to understand.
If there’s an assumption of bad intent and only the results of a comment matter, then that probably explains why I struggle.
I’ve tried carefully messaged the people who I just seem to never be able to say the right thing with asking for help in what I’m doing wrong and had my messages flagged. I even broke down and privately disclosed details of a condition I struggle with to someone when asking for what I was doing wrong so I could try and fix it only for them to invite the admin and remove themselves. I nearly deleted my account right then and there for the violation.
Maybe other neurodiverse people feel safe, but I feel vulnerable.
I’ve tried very hard to write this message in a way that I hope conveys how I feel and not attack anyone by name. I understand other people have their own struggles and have valid reasons for how they respond to things and I don’t want to minimize their experience. I don’t even expect anything to change. I just thought I’d share my experience, but if it is unwelcome, please ignore it.
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As i have mentioned, i am a man of many privileges. I can only go by what mutants who are othered tell me. If your comments hurt people, you need to figure out how to change that. Just so we are clear, it is never the responsibility of the injured party to make things right. Seeking help is admirable, but some of the people who get hurt just do not have the bandwidth to educate others. Protecting themselves takes up most of it. I am truly sorry i cannot help more, but the world we live in is really hard and unfair on some folks. You sound like you may be one of them. But the answer is not to make life harder for someone else.
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He wants to change. He doesn’t know how. How is he ever supposed to do “better” if he can’t identify what he did “wrong”?
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That’s fair, but it’s not on people who are hurt for whatever reason to be their instructor.
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Will the post be reinstated? Will there be consequences for the flaggers?
When it’s fresh and just happened - so people might know what’s being referred to - one could post a question in the general moderation thread.
Or contact the moderator; who made the decision. The rest of us didn’t delete it.
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@anon29537550 is right - it’s not right to ask those whom one has offended. Speaking with the leaders/moderators is a better idea.
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As I’ve said several times here, there is not a group of posters who can “get” people flagged and removed. I have no doubt that @orenwolf works to be as objective as possible and not “play favorites”… I think it’s been a point that people keep ignoring in their drive to prove that there is some group of posters who are getting people punished for disagreeing… that’s just not a thing here.
Indeed!
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I apologize. I was still clinging to this notion that not all kerfuffles (which really is a better word, thank you @anon15383236) were due to microagressions. I was asking that thinking, “What about cases that aren’t microagressions?”
The resounding answer that I have received throughout this thread is “Yes, virtually all kerfuffles are due to microagressions,” so I am finally going to listen and keep that in mind when I see kerfuffles in the future. I am sorry that it took me so long to figure this out and that so many people had to point it out to me before I started really listening.
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Who keeps throwing flags in here? We cannot have this critical dialog if input is being silenced.
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I believe @orenwolf could comment on that and already has, but this is not brigading as has been said multiple times. I kind of don’t think calling out people who use the moderation tools of this board is a good idea, though.
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