Conference Call Bingo

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Extended pause while a lot of people are typing…
“Can you use the ‘raise hand’ icon if you can hear me/agree/want to do X?”

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garble fweep fwblxblm blurble bwok

I hear things like that a lot on conference calls, and it comes from one participant’s cell phone when he’s in his office with the fan on.


I’m stealing this. I have a six hour conference call tomorrow. At least I argued to telework. I live in cube city, so I can 1. Keep my line quiet, and 2. find ways to entertain myself in this mind numbing venture.

ETA Post Conference Call: I did not achieve a bingo.


Some tough bingos in there. I think ‘B’ especially–“who just joined” and “next slide please” are largely mutually exclusive in my world.

After having typed that, I’m also having somewhat of an existential crisis.


Memories of the last conference calls.

“Beep” or “Beeboop” somebody leaving or joining the call mid stream.

“Is everybody here?”

“I had problems dialing in/getting on.”

“The moderator has not logged in.”

“Please Hold”

Bonus 1 - “Does anybody know what the agenda is?” followed by “Who called this meeting?” followed by “Are they here?” followed by “They went to lunch‽¹” or “They’re on vacation‽”

Bonus 2 - “Ok, this meeting is to plan the agenda for the next meeting.”

I hated the early morning meetings, the one’s that were 6am EST with the majority of the employees being in other later time zones.

I swore that there was somebody that would wear a headset mic and eat granola asteroids intermittently. It was like listening to a cow chewing on track ballast².

Note ¹: Track ballast are the rocks that placed under and in between railroad ties. Made mostly of granite and diorite in my area, and not generally edible.

Note ² : Bring back the interrobang/interabang/‽ It is a proper and underused puncuation mark.


As a helldesk guy, I take the mental health of my users very seriously.

Me: “IT Helpdesk how may I help you”
Caller: “Hi, yeah, I’m a restaurant manager on vacation, and my work laptop isn’t connecting to the VPN.”
M: “Why are you trying to connect to the corporate network on vacation?” (This caller is clearly insane.)
C: “I need to send something to another manager” (this restaurant has 5 active managers, plus an office coordinator and an executive chef who should be able to run the restaurant).
M: “Have you considered relaxing and not worrying about it?”
C: “But…”
M: “You’re not on company time right now. I stand to get into trouble if I let you on premises off the clock.” (someone save this poor manager from themselves. “That’s a good idea self.”)
M: *click*


the mute message is quite the 'thing’
I could link to a certain youtube video 'to do list’
by baratsandbereta
but I think I achieved phenomenal success/failure
so you’ll probably understand that

have a nice day

You are awesome!

But context is everything. It’s great when it is a person that works hard and fights for their employees, department, etc… But when it is a “higher up”, particularly at the VP level, and shortly after the vacation accrual rates were “brought in line” (particularly when accrual was used as compensation to offset pay), then it becomes galling. Context is everything, and generally those that call the meetings should be in attendance in wind, sleet or snow if they require others to do the same.



God bless you!


To think current generations will never have to ponder the mysteries of, “Is it on Channel 3? It has to be on Channel 3”.

Also, related:


And for bonus points: flushing sound.

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Test your cards with this:

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I have had many a conference call that could win blackout bingo with that card.


Oh that was the best part of having a commute by vpn… two hour all hands full of stuff I don’t really need to know in that much detail… oh look Torchlight over on the other pc.

Others I am way too familiar with:

“Hi everyone! So, _____, the meeting organizer, isn’t here yet. They should be here soon, ha ha. Um. So how’s the weather where everyone is?”

“Can someone go find _____? We kinda need them!”

“This has been a very productive brainstorming session! I love all of the ideas. Can you go ahead and make all of those changes while we’re on the phone? I can wait. Just send the updated documents/design to the group when it’s all done, thaaaaaanks.”

click bzzzzzz Hi everyone, sorry I’m late! I was running from meeting to meeting. WELCOME TO MCDONALDS CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER? Um, just a second!!”


Every. Single. Conference. Call. I’ve. Ever. Been. On.


Not only did I get Bingo today, I think I actually got every single square. I’d elaborate, but I have a hard stop at the top of the hour.


Feel free to print it out! I made nice ones for printing on my site here:

Plus, you can now get t-shirts with select squares on them.


You sir are a gentleman and a scholar just the kind of mutant that should hang out around here. Good work!

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