“If you don’t answer me, I’m calling!”
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I get the sense most men don’t do this. As a guy I’ve literally never done it or really see any one I know do it.
My hunch is that a very small percentage of aggressive men do the vast majority of cat calling.
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The fact that you’ve never seen anyone you know do this does tell us something. I’ve never seen it either. It appears to be happening a LOT and that tells me a small portion of men are doing the lion’s share of cat calling.
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In the video he literally says "I do a lot of sweethearts, does that work? "
I’m pretty sure by “work” he means “get you laid” not “demonstrate power in public place”.
I have to admit I’ve never seen it either.
I guess it’s a Cultural thing… Something New Yorkers do?
It was eye opening back when my girls were 15 and 17. We were walking along the street, and I looked in a store window and fell back a bit. And I had the chance to watch the guys watching my kids. Their examining eyes.
That scary realisation that your kids aren’t just kids anymore.
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Me too. And it was only a few years ago (well, maybe five, I’m dumb :D). Similar to the first interviewees, “it never happens when I am around”. Same with me and my wife. She gets catcalled, just never when I am there.
Yes, it is okay to talk to a stranger like an equal and a person. No, it is not okay to reduce them to an object.
And if you want to accost a stranger on the street? There better be a damn good reason, like they are on literal fire.
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yet most women experience it. This is not saying “you are a cat caller”… this is saying many women get cat called. it’s common enough to be nearly a universal experience for most women.
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Yeah I didn’t say it wasn’t extremely common, it clearly is.
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Oh god, he’s 13 and she’s 12 and this isn’t funny anymore.
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This. Some guys, like me for a while there, wonder, “Where is the line? What do I get to say if she really looks nice?”
The hard, correct answer is “nothing”. You can admire her as she passes, but if this is all that connects you to her world, there is no connection. Don’t speak.
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Okay, but how is one stranger supposed to know that about another stranger?
EXACTLY.
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Can I first say that the people who participate in these discussions on BB are generally on the high end when it comes to smarts, humor, open minds, etc., so when stories like these come up please know that the finger isn’t being pointed at you directly. That being said, we have all acted like a pig at some point in our lives (me included) and said something inappropriate, but usually when with friends and not directly to the stranger who you are talking about. It’s usually someone on TV, in a magazine, across a room and out of earshot. But it is important to know that ALL women at some point in their lives have had someone do or say something unwanted directly to them and wished they had been able to let the person know how unwanted it was without being afraid of the repercussions. And unfortunately for some women it is a daily occurrence. So the next time you see it happen, please say something. Yes, sometimes it may piss her off because you stuck your nose in without being asked, but the majority of the time you have made a positive difference in her life. It is really important for men to call out other men on their inappropriate behavior.
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And yet women are subjected to this every single day. So, magically, despite your non-awareness of the situation, it ACTUALLY HAPPENS.
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Although my female friends there have told me that they will sometimes be creepily propositioned by rich guys in fancy cars, looking for another 小三 mistress. So it’s a different thing, less common, but no doubt just as upsetting.
“You ok?”
- they will almost always says “Yes.” but it gives them an out, they can walk towards you, you can walk with them, they can turn and walk away from the situation, its a break in the flow of the event and it can mean the world.
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This behavior is related to socio-economic/education level not race. The lower you are, the more likely you are going to behave like some douche sellsword from Fleabottom.
And, yeah, you’re a racist.
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I took the “does that work” as him asking the interviewing “does that work as an example for your interview”.
Also, what is your point? In that you state you’ve never seen it happen?
Are you refuting the myriad of women here on the board that state “this has happened to me a lot”?
Because if not, why are you saying this?
I can’t see Pluto when I look up to the sky but I don’t doubt that its there. But I don’t feel the need to proclaim that “I’ve never seen Pluto” in a conversation about whether its a planet or not. Like, seriously, what is your point?
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I’ve never personally witnessed the specific behavior portrayed in this video (and the creepy one @Missy_Pants linked above,) yet I know damn well that it happens, if only because I’ve seen much lower level harassment behavior. This makes me wonder if a lot of men say they don’t see it because it happens differently in their community. Perhaps the catcalls as shown aren’t happening in front of them, but it happens in so many other ways, many of which are so common that “non-targets” might not even notice them happening. (Although the people being harassed sure do notice them!)
One of my sweeties notes a related phenomenon: men that engage in similar behavior right up to the point where they’re firmly told “No.” Then suddenly they declare their former target ugly or otherwise unworthy.
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I think there is truth in this. I’ve related this before, but at a concert a couple of bartenders who appeared intelligent started telling me in detail “how hot the chick in the hat was”.
My reaction was, " dude, that’s my wife". To which they turned all shades of red.
So I have no doubt at all, not even a smidge that behavior changes on social context. And the micro-catcalls are probably tuned out in large part by your truly–i suspect by my tendency to just classify the perpetrator as an asshole and move on without thinking.
Gah, I need a unicorn chaser.
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It would be interesting to know which moral of the story they made it to.
The ‘wow, I could totally be disrespecting that woman’s owner; I should rethink this.’ moral would be unencouraging(if, possibly, better than some alternatives in terms of mitigating the subject’s behavior in public).
The ‘clearly I’m upset by this because it’s a shitty thing to do and being done to someone I care about; it’s probably just as shitty for people I have no particular connection to. Perhaps I should rethink this.’ alternative would be more encouraging.
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