"Debate Me": parody of internet manliness gurus/dorks

But, whatever you do, afterwards make sure to never swallow a portable hole.


Portable hole.
I never thought about it but that makes a great insult.

“Get yer robe and wizards hat outta here, ya portable hole!”


Yes, but, if it’s teleported straight from your bowel, then magically accelerated towards your enemies, then you haven’t technically pooped, have you?


You could use a shrink ray to dramatically reduce the size of the material in your intestines. But granted the overall mass wouldn’t change, so you’d get bogged down pretty quick.


Or maybe they enjoy pooping? Maybe the obligation of pooping hides the enjoyment of pooping? I don’t know! It could be!


That’s not what this is mocking. I don’t have to debate with any comer—regardless of how dishonest, disingenuous, or bad faith—in order for democracy to survive.

I don’t owe time and energy to people who are arguing in bad faith. Patiently debating everyone who is devils-advocating against my existence won’t preserve democracy. That “debate style” is what this SomethingAwful post (and the awesome comic @smulder shared ) are mocking.

What I owe democracy is to listen very seriously to people describing how policies affect or would affect them.

I owe it to my Jewish, Muslim, Sanātanī, Sikh, black, brown, disabled, ND, women, fellow LGBT siblings to listen when they tell me how America’s policies are affecting them. If we don’t listen, if we make decisions without the input of the people who are affected, then we don’t have democracy. On those terms, I’m not sure we’ve ever had democracy.

I’d like to believe democracy could survive the death of formal, western-style debate*. I have faith it can survive the death of disinterested, disingenuous hobby contradiction. (I’m not saying you’re doing the disinterested, disingenuous hobby contradiction, by the way. If you don’t see yourself in the comic smulder linked, this stuff may not apply to you at all.)

*As much shit as I’m giving formal, western-style debate, I don’t necessarily think the debate style itself needs to be destroyed. I just think it’s currently used as a crutch for euro-centrism and to silence people who haven’t had the privilege they would need to learn it.


That’s debatable.

(Please don’t hurt me!!)


Aw, you know I’d never hurt my favorite fish pun monger intentionally. :heart_eyes_cat: :tropical_fish:


Clearly a water bottle.

Jesus, you people.

1 Like

linked testicular-prostate cancer.

In all honesty, I do enjoy a good healthy debate. When both viewpoints start from the acknowledgement that something can be learned from the process; when cooler heads prevail; when we do not elevate formal logic at the expense of everything else–when those criteria are at least attempted, then western style debates can be productive.

Unfortunately, on the internet, yer lucky to get even a single one of those positive qualities.

So, as Emporer Josef the Second, in the documentary Amadeus famously quipped, “Well, there it is.”


@Ignatius , I take it slightly back. A more apt phrase would be from the Werner Herzog trilogy masterpiece, "The Stars, They Are At War ":

  It’s a trap!


The other day, a friend was asking whether I thought his salmon was still good or if he was going to get food poisoning, and I dropped into total grumpy opinion mode. I apparently have capital-O Opinions on how food poisoning ain’t no thing.


Because of my upbringing, I can’t enjoy debate. I enjoy learning and I enjoy repartee but debate is a sometimes-necessary ordeal for me. I understand why other people enjoy it. I just can’t enjoy it myself. :cold_sweat:

Note: Wrong eve there, @japhroaig . :laughing:


Fixed! I was too caught up in my super meta fish joke (ackbar is a fish or I’ll eat my hat).

I completely respect your opinion. The only debate you will have with me is what’s for dinner :grinning:

Edit: I don’t own a hat. If one were to eat such an item, do you think:

  • Trilby
  • Western felt wide brim
  • A fascinator

Really? I’ve had this backwards then. I thought getting to be a crank was the reward for suffering through life.

(though I loved a joke I just saw in a Jewish deli: “a long life is god’s punishment for complaining” or something to that effect)


It makes sense to me that a fan of fish puns would appreciate debate, but you should still watch out for dehook.



You are a solid chum.


I want to live in a universe where Herzog made Star Wars.