Decapitating Kim Kardashian, Paul McCartney drives his daughter insane, and cat litter beauty treatments, in this week’s tabloids


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/02/14/decapitating-kim-kardashian-p.html


#2

O.J. Simpson has vowed to “decapitate” Kim Kardashian

He can do 10 - 15 standing on his head.


#3

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#4

O.J. plans to “kill everyone” who ever crossed him.

Wasn’t that the President? OJ doesn’t have any jackbooted thugs, does he?


#5

The first two clauses in the headline go together, right?


#6

Good tip if you are desperate, kitty litter (unused) does work as sidewalk slip-preventer but shovel it off quick if the ice starts to melt. It is made from some sort of clay that gets stuck on everything if it gets tracked into the house. (Since I seem to be getting a lot of misunderstanding lately, this is intended as humour. Don’t ask me to explain, it is Canadian winter humour.)


#7

Now I want a Elvis Christ statuette.


#8

Amazingly, my brief trawl of the internet was unable to turn one up.

I did find this particularly ‘special’ shoop:

and now I know there is a fashion brand going by Elvis, Jesus & Co. as well as a bunch of very misogynistic anti-Catholic ranting by at least one US protestant (something about Catholics worshipping Mary and Americans worshipping celebrities like Elvis - all of which will of course land you in Hell).

Thank you internet, I think…


#9

I was thinking along the lines of JC in a Las Vegas outfit, swinging his hips, blessing the crowd.

(Hey, there could be a song in this, actually.)


#10

Jesus is the Lounge Singer in the Casino of My Heart”…

Available now entirely free if you donate $5 (yes brethren and sistren, just $5!) to the Church of the Elevated Leader of the Validated Institutes of Sacrament.


#11

As a counter-agent to these tabloid fumes, I present the best non-retraction, non-apology GFY response that I’ve seen in a while:


#12

Seriously, we should work on this.


#13

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