Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/12/12/elementary-students-assigned-e.html
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hopefully it was the keebler guy, he always was a bit creepy
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When elves are knocked off, the list of suspects is super short
- Famous Amos
- Little Debbie
- Mrs. Fields
- Possibly a Pepperidge Farm-hand
- Grandma
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Maybe glitter glue or something for the blood next time?
Otherwise, it sounds like a really cool exercise.
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The other day I was driving in downtown Vancouver and an ambulance was parked on the other side of the road. As I passed, I saw that the ambulance attendants were giving CPR to someone lying on the sidewalk.
Cut to home that evening where I retold what I had witnessed to my 11 year-old son. Without a pause he said, “the guy probably OD’d or got shanked.” I responded, “what are you, an elementary school student or a jaded ex-con?”
This Elf Murder Mystery would probably have gone down just fine here.
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Elf on the mortuary shelf?
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I would have loved this assignment. Then again, my elementary school reading staples were Agatha Christie and Rex Stout.
It explains so much about me, really.
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The ‘blood’ is a little much, other than that, looks fun.
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I would have been thrilled if my kids’ schools had done anything both this imaginative and almost perfectly designed to connect with a 9 year old.
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I am so relieved to not see outrage in the comments.
I mean, this is more than fine. This is awesome!
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When I was eleven, we had a school assignment to make a short stop-motion animation.
So my group made a thirty second film of the pope (in his popemobile) being attacked with an acid-filled squirtgun before dissolving into bones.
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Someone thought the best way to cover this whole thing up was to pass the case off to the most inexperienced rookies.
Don’t expect any follow-up articles announcing they’ve actually found the killer. This whole story will just conveniently disappear, like an unwanted re-gift.
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I’m outraged. The UK doesn’t have elementary schools. It has PRIMARY schools. Other than that, carry on. (And if eight-year-olds in Manchester don’t have some awareness of murder, then they have led VERY sheltered lives. )
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Some of the parents at my kids’ schools are outraged that school is on a delayed-open schedule today. Some others are outraged that it’s opening at all. And some others don’t mind the schedule, but are outraged at the way they were told or when they were told.
So you know, parents’ outrage is pretty easy to come by these days. It’s not worth much.
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I kind of wish they’d published the specifics of the case, for us to play along. I bet there was a sharpened candy cane shiv.
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Sometimes, it’s the ones you least expect.
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Band Name!
@MalevolentPixy Did you leave school with an abiding interest in orchids and exotic poisons?
@Wanderfound “So my group made a thirty second film of the pope (in his popemobile) being attacked with an acid-filled squirtgun before dissolving into bones.” Did you go to the Rev Ian Paisley School for Hardline Protestant Children? 
That sounds like a great project. Did you stop motion his dissolve or use a practical effect.
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I have a theory that somebody who is serious about the environment, made this elf an offer he couldn’t refuse. Wisely imo - it’s time to put these wasteful holidays to rest.
Finish the job. Kill Santa too.
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New Christmas idea: The Elf on the Slab.
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