Yep.
The lies are so believable, and the way they can make it feel like it’s your fault somehow even though you’ve done nothing wrong is amazing. I’d never really thought of some of my previous experiences as being with psychopaths, but this particular thread has got me thinking a lot in the past few days and it makes so much sense.
Thanks IEK. Stay tuned for … a few years!
When you get deep into this stuff, it does somewhat re-cast what you’ve seen and experienced before.
Someone recommended a great book above - it’s great!
Psychopaths are pretty rare, but not so rare that anyone is free of having to deal with them. If you think you’ve never encountered a psychopath, you’re almost certainly wrong.
They’re master manipulators, they’re social predators, by the time they’re adults they know they’re different from normal people, and take advantage of that, since they have no conscience.
Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men may be useful too. It’s probably in your public library.
It’s not exactly on point since it focuses on coercive behavior by an abuser in an intimate relationship, not work. OTOH, the phenomenon and risks of realizing that you’ve been fooled into a close relationship with a psychopath are similar.
Lundy Bancroft is very experienced and practical about escaping and finding safety away from dangerous abusers. You could email or call him too. He may have useful ideas or referrals for you.
Hooray!
Because it can take fucking years to untangle. Do not stare into that abyss for too long, though.
Interesting science in this article. Do take it with a grain of salt, as with any writing on this topic. It is very emotionally distressing to learn that people can turn off their empathy, and feel/behave superior because of that, if you don’t even have such a switch. I have yet to find a thoroughly dispassionate discussion of the condition.
It’s not that I actively use it, but I agree with the article that at least most people have that switch to a certain extent. It can be useful at times, such as if you need to defend yourself or others against an aggressor, or you’re a surgeon and have to do your job in a dispassionate way. It’s not a secret that people are capable of incredible abuse, and in many ways it could be more distressing if you don’t think that you’re the exception. On the other hand, that knowledge can help you to be more active in checking your empathy switch, as many people have exceptions.
While I totally agree, my point was that some people have to turn it on, and some can’t even do that. It’s a bit Dunning-Krueger in either direction, really. Turning down empathy is of course a survival strategy. Defaulting to none is fairly described as a pathology, and you can know these cases as the damages are notably one sided.
Has anyone read this? I hear its very good.
Um… all I see are people turning off their empathy and feeling superior. Where are the people that don’t?
somewhere you aren’t looking, would be my guess.
Or maybe on the other side of some eyes that don’t see the world in terms of inferior/superior?
Oh thank god… its just me.
I was like… why the fuck are all these people walking past kids sleeping in gutters?
Why am I the only one who says something when someone hits a dog in public, or cusses at their kids, or when some asshole walks up to a table of women he’s never met and just sits down with no invitation, calls the police when someones passed out in a parking lot in downtown and won’t wake up.
Thank god its just me.
Is it a problem for you?
And are you the only one? Such black and white language excludes others from consideration by defining them out of existence a priori. I don’t blame my self for feeling alone when my own language isolates me.
Why do you think you are the only one, seems a better question. And is the black and white language an accurate view of the world, or an insurance policy, to make sure you remain thinking so?
You aren’t the only one. I like that you raise the questions often to consider what can be done beyond responding and feeling overwhelmed.
I agree about @grimloki , good to raise questions.
I will add that responding thoughtfully to a sociopath is a suckers game.
True. We need @j9c to help choose which coffee, pie and party games most magically summons empathy for neighborhood (digital?) groups planning sustained interventions and future prevention of homelessness.
Except that’s also a topic for another thread.
It’s OK.
You can call me a sociopath. I won’t, by definition, care.
((new thread? whah? huh?))
… in for a few minutes, taking a break from doing this (chop and drop) [sorry for poor audio]…
For the record, my favorite coffee, ever: Rutamaya medium roast from Chiapas.
http://rutamaya.net/
Cold-brewed. Nectar of the gods.
Not much one for party games, generally.
Can you come drink tea and eat goodies out in orchard and garden with me?
I will have extra chairs and benches out for you.
Living in an intentional community out here for over a decade has exposed me to an eye-popping array of eh ah personalities, and initially I was pretty surprised to find out how people can claim to be meditators or enlightened and yet still appear, to me at least, to be displaying classic sociopathic behavior.
Thanks @hello_friends for bringing my attention to this conversation in progress. Sorry am writing in haste. Will circle back here in a bit.
ETA: typos amended
Yay! Nice to see you, and the LA homeless thread may fit us better for this awesome discussion. 
I tagged you there in a post about the 9th Cir. Lavan decision and EDAR …
