Were you raised in a bubble? Did you parents not let you go to school, or go outside, or watch TV, or look out windows, or talk to people that weren’t them? Look, as a parent, I can tell you, as much as raising children is on the parents, you aren’t doing it alone… you don’t socialize children alone, because we don’t live in little bubbles. Kids are influenced from outside, and there is not much you can do about that, other than give them your take on the fucked up world they live in, and try to give them the tools to navigate that world as best they can. They are going to find their own path in this world, and that path will in part be influenced by things that aren’t you. I can see that in my kid everyday. The older they get, the more they want to be elsewhere to with others. It’s a “natural” process that you have no control over.
Culture, the world around us - nothing is a blank slate, it is flush with meanings, often deeply layered meanings, sometimes the meanings are so obvious as to be clearly ideological (a political ad or a movie clearly meant to inculcate one into one view point or another)… other times, the ideological layer is hidden and hard to parse. The world is not a meaningless place onto which you press your own meanings, rather it’s a place full of meaning that is derived from any number of things - from your family, religion, or lack thereof, from the state, from non-state actors (corporations, mostly in the developed west), your friends, etc. To think that parents can just say over and again that “you should treat people right and respect them” will end racism, sexism, and homophobia (or whatever else) in our society is just… naive at best. It takes all of us saying that these things are NOT acceptable and that we have to actively work to change it, to change it in the systems we live within, and within each other, whenever we see it.
I think that these things go along with how society is structured. Back in the Jim Crow days, many white people (especially in the south) raised their kids with the idea that racism was natural, that integration was an evil that must not happen, that people of color were lesser than them, no mattter their education level, place in society, etc. The surrounding culture and political structures reinforced that - films had racist portrayals of black people, African Americans were often lynched for doing well economically if it meant they stepped out of “line”… You could say the same about women in the postwar world - when a woman could be fired for getting pregnant, she was paid less, and could only go so far (and no, the exceptions only prove the rule). Was the continuation of Jim Crow mentality only “personal responsibility” then? These racist and sexist structures still haunt us and affect our society today. There are plenty of people who think the civil rights movement “went too far” or that women are “unhappy in society because they aren’t at home, baking pies”… Some of these people are still in power today. Some of these people are in Silicon Valley.
Look, I can’t go into families and change them, nor can Laurie Penny. We CAN make comments about the structure of society and how that impacts OUR lives AS WOMEN. We can say, this MAKES US FEEL LESS THAN HUMAN… And you are free to continue to ignore that, or derail, or say that how we FEEL is beside the point. Or you can maybe listen when we talk about this, and take us seriously. That is all up to you, because you are personally responsible for yourself, your views, and your circles in life, as we all are. You can point out injustice when you see it, or you can turn a blind eye to it. So, yes, it can be about personal responsibility, but that doesn’t negate discussions about the structure of society that is still clearly sexist and racist.