Google patents an adhesive that sticks pedestrians to cars that hit them

All shits and giggles as long the car drives on but what about the situation when it hits an obstacle after picking up an unwanted passenger.

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no problem when the face of the pedestrian is already submerged in an airtight glue layer

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My completely un-educated guess is that there would be many cases where the adhesive reduced injuries and a small number where it increased them. I am guessing that google employees people that will do the statistics on it but how they try to assess the net improvement would be interesting.

…Or it could eject the passenger along with the adhesive layer and stick them to a nearby building in Spiderman style.

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Convenient for the aftermath - the important body-part for easy identification of the victim is preserved.

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They’d do alpha and beta testing, of course.

Google: Who wants to alpha-test a new Google product?

One million GMail Users: I do! I do! Pick me! Pick me!

Google: OK, stand here…

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They could do A/B testing randomly hitting people with glue-cars and normal cars and seeing which they responded better to.

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Don’t forget the follow-up hit, months later, to see if their response has changed.

“It was in the agreement you signed, paragraph 57.”

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“Google Car Analytics found that while glue-cars were much stickier with high retention rates, non-glue cars had a more positive impact on user attitude, post-hospitalization.”

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Has no one realised this is googles new recruiting method?

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Headline: “Google Gives Up On Avoiding Pedestrian Collisions, Switches To ‘Pedestrian Management’.”

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FTFY  

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this is great because normally when I drive around running over people I lose a lot of time getting out of the car to collect my trophies!

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At what speed exactly does this start ripping skin off people?

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You left out the all-important first step of releasing only a very limited amount of invitations, each one with a small number of additional invitations that you can pass out to your “friends”.

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Nothing ruins a nice walk quite as much as pedestrians strewn about in the tree branches.

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You have no appreciation of modern art.

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That is exactly where I went. Picturing fly paper

Would have saved Woody Allen from having to tie the moose to the hood.

Great. Self driving flypaper.

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