“How to become gluten intolerant”

The one person I know who loudly claims to be gluten intolerant was “electrosensitive” a couple of years ago, and now has the strongest wifi in the building. Some forms of these sensitivities seem to be time limited, or go away when the person is busy and happy.

The one person I know who has been diagnosed with celiac has had nightmarish digestive/IBS-like problems for years and years and missed tons of work because they were sick all the time. If it’s celiac, it’s been obvious for a long time that something’s wrong. It’s not a minor gut-twinge or “feeling bloated” after a bagel.

Yep. It’s a tragedy of google university. Anyone can look up a list of symptoms on WebMD, but since people always think their symptoms reach a high level of significance or severity, everyone thinks that their self-diagnoses of “chronic lyme” or aquagenic pruritus or gluten intolerance or disnosmia are actually real when in fact most of these aches and pains aren’t indicative of anything other than just being alive.

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I used to have a major hypochondriac streak as well, so I know how easy it is.
I also know that seeing a counselor to help you sort out the anxieties that cause it is a better treatment than dwelling on the symptoms.
Thank goodness I was too shy to have trendy obnoxious diseases and just stuck with the rare invisible ailments.


On the plus side, it must be a good time to be someone with an actual gluten intolerance or celiac disease. Every supermarket around here has a vast gluten-free section, much larger than if they were only catering to people who actually needed it.

I’ll just redirect your attention upthread.


Gosh, it must be really hard for you to have to read those labels. Are you really label intolerant, or are you just making up a bunch of symptoms that have no rational basis?

If only more people would commit to a breatharian diet for a long term the world would be a much better place.


Bear in mind that vegan wine is a legit, justifiable thing. First time I saw it, I thought “wtf?! Vegan wine? Bwahaha!” then a veg friend pointed out that meat byproducts are routinely used in the preparation of wine, at which point I was all “WTFf?! Meat, in wine? Arghhhh!”

Still drink it though …

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Unlike someone with Celiac, most people avoiding it are either deluded (which makes it less of a choice and more of a phobia) and they can “get over it” when the fad ends. There are also a ton of “dietary experts” who want to be precious and tell everyone about their dietary sacrifice while insisting that restaurants find some way to offer them analogues to the food they claim they can’t eat.

“I can’t eat gluten so you need to get gluten-free cookies and breadsticks to accommodate me”. If you’re allergic or are just choosing to pretend to be then that sucks for you. Either you have to find joy in something else or take what is available.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one:

A vegan, a CrossFitter, and a gluten-free person walk into a restaurant…



So one person then?


I’ve no idea what weight you started at, but cutting out salt would eliminate a heck of a lot of highly processed foods, so I think 14 lbs would be easily achievable for many people looking to lose weight.

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Actually, our neighbors who have kids with food allergy issues that include wheat are incredibly thankful for the “popularity” of fake gluten intolerance, because there are now a plethora of gluten-free food products they can buy in regular stores.

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That was a fun scene.


There was a lady at my old office who had celiac disease. She was Italian. I felt so sorry for her. No pasta. No canolis. No bread. Nada.

Whenever my aunt suggests laying off gluten will cure my asthma (though the only food studies done on diets for asthma show eating more fruit is the only thing that has some positive outcome), I try to explain how allergies can be tested for, and how I’ve seen an allergist since I was 15 years old and so I’m practically an allergist myself by now, and how I’ve never had a food allergy - and I’ve been scratch tested for them - but then she’s all, “But my friend quit gluten and it helped his diseases, so obviously it’s the cureall for everything.” And that’s when I change the subject.


My problem is that I’m Jimmy Kimmel-intolerant. Every time I see his face, I literally have explosive diarrhea on the spot.

It’s nice to hear that at least some people with actual food allergies are getting something positive out of this diet fad, but @bpgleason’s comment above suggests that has not been the case for all people with celiac disease.

Diet fads… this one is over, next!

Just put it on the list:
Sodium, MSG, fat, saturated fat, trans-fat, red dye #5, carbs, cholesterol, high fructose corn syrup, high fiber, additives, preservatives, natural, free-range, organic, artificial, synthetic, pink slime, irradiated, compost friendly, free trade, hand made, locally grown, imported, vitamin enriched, artisan spring, non-toxic, hypo-allergenic, vegetarian, vegan, paleo, raw, macrobiotic, microbiotic, granola, carob, sugar free, saccharine, agave, stevia, decaffeinated, green tea, kombucha, quinoa, brown rice, whole grain…

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Annoying attitudes towards others aside: did you try a couple of weeks without gluten to see if it makes a difference? My atopic ‘allergy’ experience (asthma, eczema and rhinitis, always there and getting better and worse with no noticeable ambiental exposure factors) suggests there might be something to non-full-blown-celiac sensitivity being a real factor, if probably not one of the main ones in my case.

It’s hard to be very sure one way or another without determined and strictly measured self-experimentation, but in my view there’s nothing to lose in trying even very unscientific three-week ‘no flour/eggs/milk/shellfish/peanuts’ (just to mention the common ones) attempt to see if anything happens even when the lab tests came out negative. No?

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100% gluten-free, organic scam. Yum.

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