Iâm not a lumberjack, or a fur trader.
And I donât live in an igloo, or eat blubber, or own a dogsled.
And no, I donât know Jimmy, or Sally, or Suzie from Canada,
Although Iâm sure theyâre really, really nice.
I have a Prime Minister, not a President,
I speak English and French, not American,
And I pronounce it âabout,â not âa boot.â
I can proudly sew my countryâs flag on my backpack.
I believe in peacekeeping, not policing,
Diversity, not assimilation,
And that the beaver is a truly proud and noble animal!
A toque is a hat, a chesterfield is a couch
And it is pronounced âzed.â Not âzee,â âzed!â
Canada is the worldâs second largest landmass,
The first nation of hockey,
And the best part of North America!
My name is Joe,
And I am Canadian!
Thank you.
Iâm not unemployed, or smuggling cigarettes across the border.
I donât eat Pepsi and May West for breakfast
I donât watch the hockey game doing it doggie-style
And I donât know Claude, Manon, or François from Abitibi-TĂ©miscamingue ,
But Iâm sure they all have nice teeth.
I smoke in Church.
I speak Québecois in joual, not French or English.
I pronounce it âtird,â not âthird,â
And eating French fries with cheese makes sense, mon ostie.
I believe in distinct society, as long as someone else pays for it.
I believe in language police, not equal rights, and, cĂąlisse,
I believe that Club Supersex is an appropriate place for my wife and me to celebrate our anniversaire.
What the Hell, she goes on in ten, anyway.
In QuĂ©bec, the Stanley Cup actually comes around more often than Halleyâs Comet,
I can get beer at the dépanneur, not at the convenience store
And maybe I canât turn right on a red light, but, tabernak, I can go right through it!
Because QuĂ©bec is the worldâs largest producer of maple syrup
The home of CĂ©line Dion, and Roch Voisine
The land where everybody is shackinâ up
And the legal drinking age is just a suggestion
Je mâappelle Guy, and I am not Canadian.
Mautadit, tabarnak, ostie.
Merci, salut la visite
Canadians are a US national treasure, indeed.
I hope the Newfoundlanders and Labradorians never loose their accent accents:
Oh man, literally all my favourite Canadian vids are coming out of the woodwork now 
Donât forget:
Itâs pretty close to reg ol Aenglisch sounds. Think how different the deep south is from New England, or CA.
Any idea if the sound has some French-Canadian roots, oui? non?
Iâll throw him a shoutout too. We hardly see you, but thanks for keeping the site awesome Ken!
Iâve been considering a temporary move (for school) to those upper reaches of Canadjia. I feel like Americans must stick out like sore thumbs somehow.
I realize itâs a copyânâpaste from youtube but:
âI donât eat Pepsi and May West for breakfastâ
âCalliseâ would be pronounced callize, itâs cĂąlice (or cĂąlisse). It requires a long âaâ.
Itâs âmautaditâ, an elongated version of maudit.
Roch Voisine is a Brayon, not a Quebecker.
And that last one was âMerci, salut la visiteâ. (âThank you, hello/goodbye to the visitorsâ)
Thank you for the correction.
I did most of the translation from memory, but the French phrasing and spelling I grabbed off of a lyrics site (and Roch Voisineâs inclusion is not my fault, but misspelling his name is).
Iâll fix it up, thanks.
Having grown up across the river (and spending a lot of time across the border between the ages of 19 and 21), I can do a pretty decent Ontario accentâŠ
Eh, wanna go oot and aboot in a boot?
itâs not Labradoodles? 
Or Labradudes?
Canât use it, itâs already trademarked.
Besdies, Labradoodles are 'Stralians, mate.
'Strine is a whole other subset of English. I got wasted with a Canadian, and Aussie, and an Irish guy once. I had no idea what was going on.
Long but interesting (the poem ends around 3:30):
If youâre up to Trawna next May Two-Four weekend, drop by. Weâre just up on the 6th concession. Grab a bag of milk on the way, cause I like my double-double in the morning.
