I think I may have shared this story before, but maybe not on this forum.
When I was 20 years old and still a student in college, I unwisely decided I wanted to ‘turn up’ and really ‘party hard’ one homecoming weekend.
So that’s what I and my girlfriends did; we got drunk on some of the cheapest, most horrid excuses for alcohol - Sisqo, Mad Dog 20/20 and that awful, premade ‘Screwdriver’ mix.
(Don’t judge me, I did say I was 20 and not nearly as wise as I thought I was.)
Now back then, I was not a drinker or a smoker, so my tolerance was pretty much nonexistent. I was fubar in under 20 minutes, and the rest of the night was a blur of stumbling around campus giggling, and seven different incidents of vomiting. (Yes, I was aware enough to keep count. Thank Dumbledore Youtube was not a thing back then.)
As the night went on, it became apparent that I’d seriously overdone it, but my friends weren’t done ‘kicking it’ yet; so I had the young man I was casually dating at the time walk me back to the upperclassmen female dorms.
Once there, and I’d gotten my door unlocked, all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep it off.
I remember pulling off my clothes and tumbling into my bed in just my bra and underwear, well past the point of modesty or caring that I had basically just stripped in front of a young man with whom I’d never been intimate.
And here’s the part of my story that comes back to me every time I read or hear yet another mortifying account of sexual abuse, harassment and/or violation that occurs far too often in this life:
The young man in question watched me get into bed, tucked me in, kissed me briefly on the forehead, and then left my dorm room, engaging the auto-lock as he went out.
Though ample ‘opportunity’ was there, he didn’t try to take advantage of me, in any way.
At the time I didn’t realize how profound such a simple act of human respect and integrity that was, because I didn’t yet realize how toxic the society we live in is when it comes to women. My story could have easily had a very unhappy ending that’s all too familiar to far too many women… but it didn’t.
The worst thing that happened was the raging hangover I suffered the next day, as well as an aversion to cheap alcohol for the rest of my life.
Again, I think of that 21 year old true gentleman often these days, and there are simply no words to express how grateful I am in retrospect that he did me the simple courtesy of treating like a human being.
His name was David, and sadly, I don’t remember his last name anymore.
But I’ll always remember him, and the fact that he exemplified the kind of moral compass that I wish everyone had, especially when it comes to matters of consent and treating women like actual people.
I’ll probably never get to say it in person but,
Wherever you are in the world, David, whatever you’re doing;
Thank you.
