“I taught my dog and cat both how to fistbump!”


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Back in my day, we called that giving paw…

… and our cats still didn’t do it


Gonna try this with my stupid. I will report…


Cats have more class.


One of my cats loves to headbutt you when he is feeling loving. I always half expect him to call me bro after the headbutt.


The question remains: are cats stupid because they aren’t easily trained to do tricks like dogs, or are they much much smarter than dogs because they don’t fall for that jackassery.

All I know is, you will often catch dogs eating out of the cat’s litter box, but cats don’t go prowling the sidewalks looking for dog poop.


If dog poop were as rich in fat and protein as cat poop, and if cats were as food-driven as dogs, they’d eat dog poop in a heartbeat. But as it stands, while cat poop has tons of protein and fat, dog poop doesn’t, and while dogs will eat anything that smells nutritious, cats prefer to only eat things that they kill themselves or obviously taste like animals.

Dogs are arguably smarter, because they know where the nutrients are and will eat what they know is “good for them”. Cats are dumb because they don’t understand anything outside the narrow band of “food” they are trained to recognize as kittens.


Heh, my last cat was a weird one. You could pet her, but she’d never hop on your lap or rub up against your legs or do anything affectionate. The closest she came, would to just sit there purring contentedly as you pet her, then randomly bite your hand really hard and streak off.

She was feral when we got her. I don’t think she could relax enough to just enjoy being petted, so when she noticed that she was letting her guard down she’d panic.


It’s a myth propagated by people who fear cats. Cats can be trained to do all sorts of things, if you know how to train a cat. But throwing a stick and yelling “fetch” isn’t going to work.


Are the scratches healing well?


No scratches yet, she’s very mild-mannered. It’s likeliest her mental limitations, or my inability to overcome them, will interfere with the whole thing.


Update one: First session. Confused looks as my other hand brought her paw to my fist and I said, “boom!”. No idea if the vocalizations helped. No scratches to report.

Further experimentation is required. Staff is confident subject can master a fist bump.

(Supplemental Notes: Subject is a six-month-old yellow lab. Lives with a slightly older adopted black sister. Subject knows sit, stay, OK (release from stay), Dropit (in reference to a toy), ComeIn (they have to be invited inside), and “NO!”.)


One that’s really easy to teach? “Excuse me” Just find a narrow hallway or door way, wait until the dog gets in the way, and shove it out of the way with your thigh yelling “EXCUSE ME”!

In fact, just shove the dog out of the way and yell “excuse me”! anytime it’s in the way. All ya gotta do is say the command while barreling through, knocking it out of your path. It’ll learn pretty quickly that “excuse me” means “move bitch!”

Probably the most useful command I’ve ever trained my dogs. Especially during dinner time, or going through doors. If the dog’s under foot in the kitchen just say “excuse me”, and they’ll no longer get in your way and give you a wide berth.


Great idea, I won’t have to wait long.


The idea is to convince the dog that you’re not going to stop, even if it’s in the way, so “excuse me” is essentially the train whistle.


I do this already, but without a verbal cue.

The advantage to your approach is that if every time I walk through a dog, I say, “Excuse Me!”, then other members of the household can use the keyword with some effect.

Being the alpha male around these parts, the animals usually clear the way for me until things calm down, and then they move in for the skritches.


Cats have a perfectly fine way of greeting you, and won’t enable your co-dependence by playing along. This is why cats are superior companions. Those other animals are damaging you with every response. Don’t give in.

Don’t give in.


Truth. I’m always a little perplexed by people who think that that dog training methods should work just fine on an entirely different species. Would they expect to get far in falconry with horse-training skills?


Since we are sliding down this topic…
Does anyone remember dog poop being white in the 70s?
WTF was up with that, doesn’t seem to be the case anymore, I can only guess it had to do with something in dog food at the time.
Or was that a memory from before I jumped into this timeline.


The 70s are at least 10 years before I was born.

But, having lived with and cared for dogs my whole life, I can definitively say that while dog poop doesn’t leave the anus white (unless the dog ate something like white dye), it definitely can turn white and fuzzy with mold in a few hours under the right conditions.