Impudence 0.1

games
21

By lunchtime on the first day of his first deployment and ne’er a haircut in sight, Otto, having finished his first weeks rations of homemade Barbisol, hit’s Reply-All on his ship-wide announcement, sets his auto-attendant to auto-forward to reply-all to the ship-wide DG.

With a ■■■■■ belch BRAAAAAAAAAP withdraws the mostly still sterile scissors from the now well empty Barbisol tumbler and stabs the send key on his McGuffen Palm Navigator and tosses next to the empty tumbler. It spins casually as it lands.

It’s reflection in the mirror above it, and the mirrors reflection of the now cracked screen in turn, serves up a chance of infinite and unrelenting haircut advertising broadcasts.

Roll for success?

He then stumbles briefly, composes himself and, with a twinge removes his white coat with the wrong collar, tosses it over the chair. He flips the Back in 10min sign on his bulkhead door and heads to the mess for lunch.

As he’s walking to the mess he’s thinking of ways to increase his per day haircut ratio…

Edit; GD grammar

1 Like
22

You didn’t declare your dice so I used an arbitrary method to pick which dice you picked. :laughing: I’m not sure if I’m going to keep that mechanic. Seems … unpopular.

##Perhaps The Universe Is A Simulation##

Rolling vs Spambot and Spartan Laugher. 1 + 6 = 7 / 2 = 3.5 round 3. Mild Success.

You spammed a lot and the ship’s email server stopped trying.

1 AP has been added to your account.

2 Likes
23

After a tough morning spent admiring his projection in his pocket holo-mirror, Maxwell decides it’s time for a haircut and maybe even a shave. He heads down to the shipboard barber to see if he can get an appointment.

Back in 10 minutes? What sort of barber service is this?! And it looks like someone’s dribbled a trail of Barbisol away towards the mess…

Not prepared to accept looking slightly dishevelled, Max attempts to pry open the barbershop door and take his tonsure into his own hands.

Roll Charlie Delta Foxtrot Am I doing this right?

2 Likes
24

Yep. Thanks for humoring me. :slight_smile:

##The Universe Is Bad At Accounting##

Rolling vs Civilian Contractor and Raised On Android Colony. 5 + 5 = 10 / 2 = 5. Pitiful Success.

Maxwell opens the barber shop and cuts own hair.

2 Likes
25

Otto @ Mess

While being raised on an Android colony makes you appreciate Ester in your lubricants, he just wasn’t used to purely organic synthetic food since he left home for correspondence school (he didn’t know you could do that from anywhere). Everything from the McGuffin brand beef cakes to the imitation McGuffin brand Haggis, everything he tried reminded him of consuming The Flesh…and The Hunger.

-Internal Voice: We Loves It!

While his home colony had provided ample evidence re: machines vs electric sheep, they also called on those of the Spartan Laugher race (First and Only! he chanted in his head) whenever an invading species came within 10 parsecs. As the governing Android Council considered any moving sentient object to be a potential invasion, and with his home system within six parsecs of the closest galactic bridge… that was often. So eating always reminded him of the wars of his youth.

-Internal Voice: Because We Loves It!

At 168 cycles, his youthful war fighting days were almost all behind him, The Hunger all but a distant rumble and besides, he was a registered O&R Dentist now, like his father before him – and he had a tooth collection to start!

-Internal Voice: You Know We Loves It!

Otto absent mindedly scrapes the side of his skull next to his third trans-dermal horn with his fork, a nervous tick he’d developed sometime between the fifth and the thirty-seventh Great Wars of House Harkonnen – something about that action soothed the voice in his head that was always Hungry, always just out of reach, like a forgotten name on the tip of the tongue.

-Internal Voice: We Shoulds Be Getting Back!

He slurped up the remaining McGuffin powdered eggs and threw his tray into the kitchen hole from 20 meters away with barely an aiming glance.

He kept the fork.

Otto made his way back towards his Barbershop bulkhead by way of the ships chemistry lab to mix up some more homemade Barbicide (blue Curaçao). While mixing up the blue concoction a thought struck him like a C-Beam through a Tannhauser Gate and he said aloud to no one in particular:

If I crank up the heat, organics will perspire, their hair will degrade and they will need haircuts! Similarly, inorganics and androids will lose their luster and need a buffing! Either way, more demand for my temporary services! Brilliant!

-Internal Voice: Oh I Likes It!

Action: Carrying a keg of Barbicide over his left shoulder, and a flask of hastily mixed H2SO4 in his right hand, Otto made a T-Line for the nearest maintenance hatch and started pouring the contents of the flask into the electronics in hopes of “gunking up the works”.

Roll Any Remaining Alphabet for Success? ; )

2 Likes
26

The ship is too hot and you elect to make it hotter? Are you a technician by any chance? :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

##Chemistry Is A Fickle Playmate##

Roll vs Spambot and Spartan Laugher. 2 + 5 = 7 / 2 = 3.5 rounded 3. Mild Success.

Otto has made the area immediately surrounding Otto hotter. Much hotter.

AP: 1 (for a total of 3)

All: I am shutting down my end of the role play shenanigans for the evening but don’t let that spoil your fun. :slight_smile: Let me know what your characters got up to and I’ll try to do some early morning dice rolls. In about 8 hours.

1 Like
27

“Nice work Maxwell. Looking goooooood.”

2 Likes
28

Shank slid out of his rack fully dressed, and pressed the hidden button within the collar-snap of his whites. The Ultra-Perma-Prest uniform cost him two weeks’ profits from the vintage Abba-Zaba smuggling racket he’d perfected shortly after earning buying his commission, and was probably the best money he’d ever spent in terms of minimizing effort on workday mornings.

Let us roll Beta, Delta, and Foxtrot to see if the suit’s batteries are sufficiently fresh enough to instantly shake off every stain and wrinkle and instantly transform Our (Anti)Hero into the slickest recruitment-poster-worthy junior officer since Seaman Popeye became Admiral Oyl’s son-in-law.

That, of course, assumes that I can roll three dice. I’m not quite clear on how one earns the use of more dice.

4 Likes
29

[spoiler]I know I promised I was gone for the night but …

Picking three is a safe way to go in that Impudence (currently) has three attributes that anyone might have to roll against. I go first to last so if you say Foxtrot, Echo, Beta and I only need two, I pick the numbers that came off Foxtrot and Echo.

I’m not sure if this mechanic works. I can tell I need to re-write it for clarity though. :sweat:[/spoiler]

30

It’s totes cool. Learn as we go. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

2 Likes
31

Diny looked at the readout on the ThoughtPad. The fact that it was showing environmental readouts at all was a very good sign that this heat problem wasn’t his usual thing — whenever the ship had a grudge for him, the environmental controls system tended to spout Zen koans at him. Like when the atmospheric pressure had gone up over the course of a half-hour, and then suddenly dropped, giving him the bends. The system had given him some bullshit about a cup needing to be emptied before it could be filled. Then, to top it all off, Lieutenant Info had written him up for taking unauthorized shore leave in the oceans of Laguna; after all, how else could he have gotten the bends?

The consultant took a breath and forced himself to focus on the data displayed on the TP. His own problems with the ship could wait, and maybe even getting this temperature anomaly fixed would help him get back in good with the Chief Engineer.

According to the environmental controls, the mean temperature on the ship was 24 degrees, with two significant anomalies: the corridor Diny had just come down, and the corridor outside the chem lab. Everyone on WhatsOps was complaining about the heat, but no one seemed to be taking any action to do anything about it. He posted that he’d be heading to the Chem lab to investigate: that seemed like a good place to start looking.

Diny turned his back on the reporter (what was his name? Driftkicker?) and started walking down the hall towards the McGuffin InstaLifts to take him down to the Lab Deck. With each step he took towards the lift, the air became hotter. He checked his TP, which displayed a koan starting with, “Soyen Shaku, the first Zen teacher to come to America, said: ‘My heart burns like fire but my eyes are as cold as dead ashes.’”

Damn it all to the Hundred Lesser and the Twenty-Five Greater Hells. If he tried to make it down to the Labs alone, with both the ship trying to kill him, and an additional environmental problem on top of that, he’d reach his destination as a drifting pile of cinders.

Diny gritted his teeth and turned around.

“Reporter. Riftclicker. Whatever your name is. I’ll have that cup of cafe-broth with you, if you’ll come with me to check out the source of this heat thing. Two conditions: One, you stick to the rules that I’m sure they made you sign about not recording sensitive areas of the ship. Two, I’m not talking about the cat.”

Roll to see if I convince him to come: Bravo Alpha Echo.

2 Likes
32

Otto: Chem Lab T-Junction (approximate)

On Impulse Control Issues or How I Learned to Love the Burn

Otto stood there for a moment as his Spartan Laugher healing factor began reassembling the right side of his cranium at the atomic level while the keg of homemade Barbicide percolated in his still functioning left ear like some sort of ethereal atomic kettle. The faint smell of flesh tickled his right-most functioning nostril.

-Internal Voice: I Smells Bacon!

Otto instinctively turned towards the sound and slowly staggered away. With each step he grew slightly shorter as part of each footstep stayed in contact with the glowing floor, leaving footprints in an angry seashore waiting to be washed away by a wave that would never come.

The footprints slowly changed from large, padded areas with distinct fore and aft digits into ovals and finally circles.

Eventually as the floor grew darker the footprints turned from ash to blood and began to return from ovals to large, padded areas. The distinct fore and aft digits leaving sharp titanium lines which could be seen reflecting the light against the bloody footprints as his clawed feet instinctively grasped at the enemy that had wounded him so.

-time passes-

Otto’s next/first conscious memory is of his right arm, most of it anyway, sticking to a bulkhead door he didn’t recognize. His natural Laugher hair had regrown and it fell across his eyes as he muttered: Admozian Godz - I need a friggen haircut…..

-Internal Voice: …and I needs to EATS!

…and I needs to

EATS!

2 Likes
33

Maxwell struts out of the barbershop, justifiably proud of his slick new 'do and looking for someone to impress. It feels pretty warm out here so he decides a quick dip on the pool deck is in order.

Pool access is for senior and aquatic crew members only but Max is positive he can flirt his way past the deck’s security checkpoint. With his awesome new haircut he feels like a god amongst men.

Strolling up to the security desk, Maxwell makes his move.

“Hey baby…”

Roll alpha charlie delta for access to the refreshing blue cool of the swimming pool deck

34

@Donald_Petersen

##Happiness Is A Fresh Pressed Suit##

Rolling vs Lieutenant and Human. 2 + 3 = 5 / 2 = 2.5 round 2. Mild failure.

Chancre successfully brushes failure under the (metaphorical?) rug.

AP: 1 (for a total of 2)

@nimelennar

##The Fourth Branch is More Force##

Rolling vs Alien Killjoy and Child Of Annoying Parents. 6 + 4 = 10 / 2 = 5. Adequate success.

Myron ( @chaz1 ) finds this request interesting … or compelling.

WhatsOps. *snicker*

AP: 1 (3 total)

@jamesnsc

##We’re Star Force: We Have Medical Care For Everyone##

You awake to find yourself in a medical bay. The lights are annoying. You seem groggy but the pieces you can see seem fine.

A medical assistant walks up to you. “Oh, you’re awake. Dr. Ellen Marx fixed you up but you’re going to need to take it easy for a few days.”

“Oh, and I hear you do haircuts? Um. Do you think I’d look good in a bob?”

AP: -1 (2 total)

@uphill

##Level 3 Security Clearance Required##

Rolling vs Human Telepath and Annoying Parents. 3 + 6 = 9 / 2 = 4.5 round 4. Pretty good.

You have entered the pool area.

##All Your Temps##

The ship’s computer reminds all of you “Ship median temperature now 25C.”

2 Likes
35

Am I too late for this round?

36

Nope, not too late. :smile:

37

I’m going to give @Chaz1 another day to react before grabbing an NPC to head down with Diny to the Lab to check out the temperature anomaly.

2 Likes
38

PLEASE STAND IN THE DEMARCATED AREA FOR IDENTITY SCANNNNNNNING -ING ING ING ING GGGGG…

The pool deck securibot’s scanning beam flickers and goes out as a wisp of smoke escapes the top of its housing. Looks like it’s more than just the climate control that’s on the fritz.

With a grin, Maxwell saunters past the checkpoint and into the pool area where he strips off and plunges into the cool, clear water. A few minutes later he’s stretched out on a poolside lounger sipping on something purple and fruity from a nearby vending machine.

Wait a second… now this is interesting - it looks like someone’s left a service hatch open behind the pool filters. Maxwell redresses himself, carefully restyles his hair and, with a quick glance around to make sure nobody’s watching, slips through the service hatch and into the tunnel beyond.

It’s much warmer in the service tunnels than Maxwell would have expected and he can hear a faint beeping coming from the distance. Doing his best to follow the sound, he soon realises he’s been so focused on listening for beeps that he has no idea where he is or, more worryingly, how to get back to the pool.

So far all the tunnels Maxwell has walked through have been identical silver-grey tubes, featureless except for the cables and pipes running along the walls and ceiling. Except for here, where the cabling is melted and badly corroded - almost as though someone had poured some sort of acid into the tunnel from one of the grates overhead. Careful not to accidentally brush up against any of the corroded material, Maxwell presses on towards the source of the beeping.

Does Maxwell find the source of the beeping? Roll bravo charle delta.

1 Like
39

A Good Beep Is Hard To BEEEEE—

Rolling vs Civilian Contractor and Raised By Androids. 6 + 6. Critical success.

Maxwell criticaled on finding a beep. And it is suddenly extremely relevant.

AP: 1 (2 total)

–

##The Temperatures Continue##

@nimelennar @jamesnsc @Donald_Petersen

Your McGuffin™ SpiffyWiff dings and announces “Ship median temperature now 26C.”

40

is the medical assistant organic or android- or can I choose? it’s somewhat implied by context, but I didn’t want to be assumptious

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