Java is better when you're coding with it, not drinking it


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/04/12/java-is-better-when-youre-co.html


#2

C++ is for Cookie, and that is good enough for me.


#3

#4

Java is better when you’re coding with it, not drinking it

I very much beg to differ.


#5

Java is best when visiting it.

As for drinking java… using the term “java” as a generic term for coffee seems to be mostly an American thing (I might be wrong, though), so I’m afraid it refers to American-style drip coffee. Which would be a good reason to drink tea instead. Or over-chlorinated lukewarm tap water, for that matter.

And the programming language… ugh.

So definitely… Saya mau ke Jawa!


#6

You have almost definitely at least heard of Java considering it’s one of the most commonly used programming languages on the web, responsible for the backbone of most (if not all) of your favorite sites.

God the writing! It burns! Remember how your middle school papers always started like this:

Donald John Trump was born June 14, 1946…


#7

#8

[quote=“boingboing, post:1, topic:98797”]
…considering it’s one of the most commonly used programming languages on the web, responsible for the backbone of most (if not all) of your favorite sites.[/quote]

Very, very untrue, although apparently an article of faith among Java cultists.

The backbone of facebook, Amazon, bOINGbOING, and nearly all the other high-performance global scale web sucesses is not Java. It’s that other web language, the one that makes Java cultists froth at the mouth or go tharn.

Server side Java is just another turing-complete language, interesting only because of the syntax required to deprecate verbs.

Client side Java is an abomination, the bane of system administrators, enterprise security, and desktop support technicians, the very pizzle of Satan himself.

Every coder should learn Java - as a second or third computer language, so they will understand why it’s only rarely the best solution to any particular problem.


#9

I’m still going to mentally substitute Judas in for that J. Just like Arnold J Rimmer, except less likable.


#10

they forgot to add a maybe in before the ‘at least heard of.’


#11

Java is better when you’re coding with Clojure


#12

C for sinking, java for drinking, Smalltalk for thinking.


#13

Drinking Java is infinitely better than having to write it, are you mad? Drinking pretty much anything is better than writing Java.


#14

But why not both?


#15

Here’s a goddamn game server that runs on Java: Kraplow!

His live server appears to be down for maintenance right now. It’s one of the few servers that actually runs Java.


#16

Most of the Android os and nearly all of the apps that run on it are written in Java.


#17

Doesn’t the first actually depend on the second?


#18

Jawa is better


#19

Next up: “Visual Basic is the best thing ever, and you should all learn it!”


#20

Every coder should learn Java!

… right after learning C and C++ and Perl and PHP and Javascript and Python.

And the Bourne shell.

Right after learning the Bourne shell and C and C++ and Perl and PHP and Javascript and Python, be sure to learn Java. Because obviously you have a literally infinite number of hours in your life.