John Oliver's scorching debullshitification of Facebook's apology ads

#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/07/30/you-gonna-use-myspace.html

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#2

The Amtrak station in Wilmington, Delaware has banners draped all over the goddamn place from Facebook warning about “fake news”. Fuck you, Zuck, why don’t you do something about the fake goddamn news? You’re a fucking media outlet!

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#3

Oh SHIT, Zucky is really, really scared by losing a massive chunk of his (on-paper) wealth! I love it. Maybe if FB keeps cratering for 10 years straight they might actually consider having a meeting about possibly investigating the idea of not being total pieces of shit.

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#4

To be fair, you’ve got a firehose of data. Or maybe a thousand firehoses. And some of it is in Swahili and some is in Hmong and you’ve got to pick out the 1% that’s politically motivated bullshit, and somehow make a decision which bits are racist bullshit, while not offending anybody (except the bad guys.)

Got it? Good, now automate that.

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#5

Or maybe, ya know, you just don’t collect data in the first place and find a different way to make money.

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#6

Yet they seem to have no problem investing shitloads of money into AI to identify people in grainy photos with a high degree of accuracy. Surely even identifying bullshit in just English isn’t beyond their abilities.

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#7

Newfangled technology baffles me.

#8

Because billboards at train stations is the most effective way to communicate…

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#9

To be fair, you (fb) chose to be a firehose of data…

If only they had…a communications platform of some sort through which to tackle these problems…

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#10

But they are Facebook’s friends. Facebook: we are showing you this PSA because we aren’t going to stop fake accounts or clickbait.

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#11

Fake accounts are not my friends? Then… then… who is?

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#12

The billboards in that photo are damning evidence about the contempt in which Facebook holds the adults who use its site. If I’d ever been a member I’d feel insulted (as it is I just have to worry about whatever shadow profile they’ve built of me).

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#13

This is a company that culls data from billions of sources, each with thousands of affiliated daily data points, and sells them to advertisers, retailers, political machines, etc. in a targeted way. They don’t do that manually. Something tells me that if they put .01% of their resources into this problem they will lick this in no time. They are making a choice to devote resources to spin and deflection instead of real solutions.

Edited for clarity.

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#14

It was decided that putting Zuck outside of the train station, on his knees begging for users to return, would be “off-brand”.

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#15

Well, you could be right. That hot Russian woman with the blank profile who randomly friended me and just happens to have something called a “cam site” must really like me! Who knew I was so attractive?

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#16

Less of the stuff that gets in the way.

*Except advertising. If they’re paying us for it, it can get in the way all it wants to.

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#17

John Oliver can say “Fuck You” just about better than anybody…and he means it too.

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#18

Reminds me of an old (80’s?) SNL commercial for “the phone company” that ended with w/ the sign-off buzz phrase: “F*** you. Because we can, that’s why” – or something along those lines.

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#19
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#20

So do many BART stations in the Bay area. I have a similar response to yours in my mind whenever I see them.

Zuck and FB can go fuck themselves with a rusty ball peen hammer, business-end first.

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