Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/07/29/kamala-harris-policy-generator.html
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My first one was pure gold:
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a carbon pricing program for immigrants who open an Arby’s that operates for 17 years in a national park.
ETA: Well, never mind, it turns out this is just a very, very good generator:
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a diversity initiative program for Q-Anon followers who open a library that operates for 19 weeks in Tornado Alley.
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with about 7m Pell Grant Recipients and an approximately 8% total entrepreneurship rate with an approximately 60% failure rate within three years and then throw “disadvantaged communities” into the mix, it’s … not a great many people, especially compared to Bernie’s promise of “everyone.”
Ummm, Rob, you’re actually running the numbers on a political promise to see if it will work. Is that allowed here?
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Yessir! Slice that sandwich thin enough and everyone can have one! - chef’s kiss - It’s so light, it’s like eating a cloud!
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With the creation and sharing of this mockery generator, may we presume Kamala Harris’s candidacy is officially dead?
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He’s doing the math to see what size group the policy would even apply to. Not the same thing as a feasibility analysis.
Why would it not be?
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She’s not my first choice, but she’s a good indicator of how much the party establishment is willing to shift left under pressure from the truly progressive candidates.
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Politicians are only truly over when the mockery dries up.
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Do you want Biden? Because this is how you get Biden.
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So I can open a business out of a PO Box in any community that qualifies.
Do pretty much nothing but “general business” that results in no revenue or jobs.
Close business after 3 years and then my Student Loan Debt is wiped out if I also received a Pell Grant?
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Someone on Twitter suggested opening a payday loan company in rural Mississippi, just to really drive home how easily this kind of thing can be gamed for one’s personal benefit, to the detriment of those its knock-on effects are ostensibly supposed to be helping.
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That’s like kicking a homeless person, just to prove how vulnerable homeless people are.
Don’t do that.
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Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a gay adoption program for Q-Anon followers who open a Chili’s that operates for 17 years in a fishing village.
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My point (and theirs) was not to actually do it, but to illustrate how frequently these sorts of wonkish technocratic policies fail to consider any kind of negative consequences, intended or otherwise, that might occur as a result. The supposed goal of Harris’s loan forgiveness policy was to incentivize people to help disadvantaged communities by starting businesses there. It would be so much easier (and probably more effective) to do that by simply forgiving student loan debt for everyone unconditionally, and lowering (or eliminating) the personal costs of higher education. Then those in disadvantaged communities could perhaps afford to go to college and start their own businesses.
In an effort to jump this train back onto the track, here’s my first policy proposal from the generator:
As president, I’ll establish an overtime pay program for Goldwater scholars who open a Wendy’s that operates for 15 days in an office park.
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Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a free weed lmao program for African-Americans who open a science fair that operates for 15 days in an inner city.
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a gay adoption program for cat owners who open a dog park that operates for 5 years in the RNC.
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a free speech on YouTube program for Trump staffers who open a wing joint that operates for 4 days in a purple state.
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a community banking program for Berniebros who open a donut shop that operates for 19 months in the parking lot of a bank.
The generator has now attained sentience and is trying to trolley Trump.
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a Section 8 housing program for Mexican-Americans who open a casino that operates for 5 weeks in Mar-a-Lago.
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This. 
But the oligarchy can’t handle contributing at a level that is both community-derived and fair on a percentile-to-income basis.
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So if one finishes 15 years of paying student loans at the detriment to their own goals of things like home ownership and parenthood, I assume they will be given a refund? Or at least a tax break so they don’t have to pay for other people’s loans?
I’m all for free higher education (two kiddos who will be right there in a decade), but unless we fix the income equality problem first we’re just shuffling money around us lower classes.
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I appreciate the consistency of this one:
Yesterday, I announced that, as president, I’ll establish a zoning deregulation program for bounty hunters who open a cafeteria that operates for 7 days in an aircraft carrier.
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Does the generator ever come up with this one?
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Thin enough that you can see right through it
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