Merriam-Webster adds "genderqueer" to dictionary

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Such an elegant solution, but it took me (speaking for myself) a whole lot of years to get it. Are the Redskins racist? I dunno - ask a Native American. Is Chelsea really a man or a woman? Why not ask Chelsea?

I swear I don’t get paid enough to be everybody’s judge.


I like the idea of asking too because that may express more respect for and curiosity about the other person’s voice and also demonstrate a more consensual basis for interacting with other people and groups of people generally.


Really - where do people get the energy to hold all these useless opinions?

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I accept these terms, but I tend to avoid people who use them. They can be argumentative.

I’m all for using whatever pronoun someone prefers or thinks is appropriate for them, but at a certain point we need to adopt an accepted universal gender neutral pronoun set to simplify things. There are too many possibilities for pronoun preferences that we won’t be able to remember them all without having to check a person’s email signature for their pronouns of choice. I’d rather focus on communication than trying to remember which pronoun set someone prefers.

It was hard enough trying to learn languages with gendered nouns and matching them with the corresponding gendered verbs and adjectives. Remembering a use case for every person you run into would be even more difficult.


I think the terms being used in a normal conversation tend to be overbearing. They’re more handy during discussion on the topic of gender and sexuality though.
For the most part i find definitions for sexuality both generalize and overcomplicate things. For example going off of existing terminology i would be considered bisexual or pansexual, however i don’t consider myself as such. I don’t really give it much thought so i don’t relate to those terms at all. I’d probably say i’m a mostly hetero male that doesn’t give a fuck.

Don’t we have that already? Why do we need an other gender neutral pronoun?

I too agree that I don’t care if you want to use either set of pronouns. I really don’t get the “neutral” ones at all. Pick a side. Not sure which side, just go with the default chromosome until you decide otherwise.

We all want to be special in some way, but restructuring language just because you don’t quite feel one way or another, I dunno, I am just not down with that. I feel like a Sith lord some days, and I can’t get anyone to call me Lord 44. I seriously fill out my name as Lord 44 on those little questionnaires at the Drs office when they ask what you choose to be called. No one has ever called me that :frowning:

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Yeah, getting repeatedly told that your identity isn’t valid can make you that way for some reason.


Have you tried at Starbucks?

Funnily enough, some people don’t like being called ‘it’. Although at least one commenter here does, admittedly.

Do you not read comments here at all? There are plenty of people for whom there isn’t ‘a side’. It isn’t binary.

Is it really that hard to ask, or just to avoid using pronouns unless you know what people prefer?


What about “they?”

If it’s good enough for Shakespeare


And why does everyone go around insisting on having individual names, anyway? I have to actually learn what people want to be called? That’s way too much work. Fuck it, from here on out, I’m just going to call everyone ‘Barry.’


I don’t drink coffee.

But why is that seen as a bad thing? It is a “neutral” or unknown gender, right? Because someone might use the term in a negative way? Because what ever new pronoun you come up with, people can and will twist that into negative ways as well. Also there is other pronouns like they, them, their, one, person, and I am sure a few more I can’t think of.

I understand that, but at the same time unless you are completely androgynous, people are going to use the pronoun that seems to line up with your sex. We have too many meaningless social interactions that unless we come up with an armband or name tag system, you are going to say things like, “Tell her her coffee is ready.” or “That guy over there is looking for this book.” with no harm or disrespect intended if they identified the other way or even a neutral gender. Even if you correct them, unless you see them almost every day, there is no way you are going to remember everyone’s preferred pronoun.

Most of the people I interact with everyday I have no clue on their name. If I know a person I have no problem calling them Cooter, or Red Rider, or Princess Luna or what ever. But opening the door for someone or getting assistance in a store or even just casual chit chat with a stranger I don’t know their name, much less if they had a preferred pronoun.

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Are you Jewish or Muslim? You can’t be an atheist, you have to pick a side. You know, for the convenience of all the Jews and Muslims who can’t be bothered to learn “new” terminology.


The Platinum Rule!

I try hard to raise my kids with at least a healthy attempt at empathy, and this concept definitely goes a lot further to reinforce the kind of awareness needed to live in a properly multicultural society.


What is the relationship between Starbucks and coffee? Somehow the question does not fit to your answer.


I go out of my way to use this as a third person singular neutral pronoun whenever the gender of the person in question is not explicitly known.

It may feel slightly clunky in expository writing, but for technical passages and documentation, it works fantasticly. For example, in rules for a game, “Whenever a player passes, they are no longer allowed to participate in the current round of bidding,” is absolutely fine, and works much better that “he or she”, “ze”, “s/he”, or arbitrarily picking a gender (for example many two player games like chess or go will use male pronouns for black and female for white).


I realize they have other things at Starbucks, but they are overpriced and the main thing they serve is coffee, which I don’t drink.

I think that yes, they might appease me, but I don’t want to order an overpriced drink to test this hypothesis.

My Sith point was mostly in jest, but I guess to expand on it, there are two or there different social interactions - people you know, acquaintances, and strangers. If I know someone’s name at work and they had a preferred pronoun, I’d use it. If they used some new 3rd pronoun I would buy them lunch to talk about it.

But most of my interactions through out the day, I have NO IDEA on the person’s name, much less their identified sex. Like I said, unless they are very, very androgynous you or I are going to chalk up them in to one or the other, subconsciously even, because that is how our brains work.

If they say dropped a $20 while waiting in line, I’d probably say, “Sir/Ma’am, you dropped your money.” Actually I would probably say “dude” regardless of gender. I tend to speak Lebowski a lot. But it isn’t like I mean any offense if they identified a different way. Adding a 3rd gender means you would be called that pretty much ONLY by people who know you.

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I doubt it can be called coffee : )