Official "Crime Simulator" Comments/Bugs Thread

Continuing the discussion from Women in Video Games: women as background decoration:

For those who didn’t want to read a thread of people arguing back and forth about whether we are using the right words to complain about sexism in video games, but who do look for “games” subjects, I thought I’d post a link to Crime Simulator, a game I created in response to OtherMichael’s comment above.

Please feel free to leave comments or suggestions and report bugs (though odds are anything that appears to be a bug will be immediately declared a feature retroactively).


I won!


I would like the blood splatter to progressively grow as the body is kicked/shot.

Up to a certain point?

Or just keep adding to levels of ridiculousness!

And of course… MOAR of everything. Places, weapons, people, etc. (Readable?) copies of the SCUM manifesto lying about.

How did you make this? It seems an elaborate framework for something off-the-cuff.

Ah. You’ve done this before.

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I won!


Well, I’ve done things kind of like this before. I’ve written enough javascript now to rattle things like this off. My offer of consulting services is a bit of a joke because I have no professional experience (though I’d probably actually do it).

I wrote it from scratch in about 3 hours, which seems excessive to respond to a forum comment, I’ll admit, but after reading your comment I really wanted a game where I could eat sushi without paying and shoot Andy Warhol and there was pretty much no way I was going to get to play such a game other than to make it myself.

I’ve definitely considered adding a feature where you can get a dog and walk it and not pick up after it.


That’s just rude! The other items are an appropriate repsonse to an obdurate, patriarchial society that lacks any functioning mechanism for self-correction.

Feature ideas:

Throw blood/paint on a copy of Chris Ofili’s The Holy Virgin Mary" (1996).

Use a hammer to attack A Subtlety or the Marvelous Sugar Baby

Take a dead trick and stuff him into a sculpture

Surely you can only truly win a crime simulator by cheating?


Yes, actually you can only win by cheating. You aren’t allowed to do any of the actions in the game, they are all against the rules.

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But the sushi restaurant seems like a safe zone.

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Okay, it’s also against the law, and getting sushi without paying is hardly striking a blow for a new feminist hegemony.

You wouldn’t want the game to get strident.

To be honest, while I thought you made a very good point in the post above (and it did a good job of countering the “Sure, but you can kill everyone” argument that people tried to employ in the discussion of whether murdering women after having sex with them was problematic) the part of it that really motivated me to make a game was not so much any message so much as it was “Let’s do some crimes.”

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this is awesome! adventure games boiled down to the absolute minimum.

Yeah, this is a crime simulator.

It got me thinking though – what about a game where the female protaganist slowly becomes radicalized? Same setup as crime simulator – but w/o the killing at the beginning. Tricks go wrong, she runs a high chance of getting arrested, she doesn’t pay for sushi, 'cause she can’t, but gets exposed to the managers forcing the waitron to pay for the meal out of her own sub-par wages, etc. Reading manifestos, talking to others, taking Learning Annex classes (!!!), I dunno, will unlock achievments – leading to the ability to kill the tricks, etc.

That’s another game, though, and one I will not be writing. 'cause I’m not a game-writer.


You haven’t implemented any of my wonderful ideas.


For many new crimes, check out the updated Crime Simulator!


The world is a little bit bigger. And much, much taller.

And twistier…

A winner is me!

hmm. I think I went to New York without doing something vital. Andy Warhol has nothing to say to me, Anm I supposed to shoot him? Where do I get the gun?

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Yeah, I got stuck in NYC.

Why do companies always see the need to “improve” games that are already working fine and beloved by the entire user-base?