Oh, the Bible

Oh, the bible. I don’t understand how anyone can have the patience to read this thing. How many begats does one fictional story need?

And man, were these people old. I wish I lived to be 930 still begatting…

[ 1 ] This is the book of the generations of Adam. In the day that God created man, in the likeness of God made he him;
[ 2 ] Male and female created he them; and blessed them, and called their name Adam, in the day when they were created.
[ 3 ] And Adam lived an hundred and thirty years, and begat a son in his own likeness, after his image; and called his name Seth:
[ 4 ] And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters:
[ 5 ] And all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years: and he died.
[ 6 ] And Seth lived an hundred and five years, and begat Enos:
[ 7 ] And Seth lived after he begat Enos eight hundred and seven years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 8 ] And all the days of Seth were nine hundred and twelve years: and he died.
[ 9 ] And Enos lived ninety years, and begat Cainan:
[ 10 ] And Enos lived after he begat Cainan eight hundred and fifteen years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 11 ] And all the days of Enos were nine hundred and five years: and he died.
[ 12 ] And Cainan lived seventy years, and begat Mahalaleel:
[ 13 ] And Cainan lived after he begat Mahalaleel eight hundred and forty years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 14 ] And all the days of Cainan were nine hundred and ten years: and he died.
[ 15 ] And Mahalaleel lived sixty and five years, and begat Jared:
[ 16 ] And Mahalaleel lived after he begat Jared eight hundred and thirty years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 17 ] And all the days of Mahalaleel were eight hundred ninety and five years: and he died.
[ 18 ] And Jared lived an hundred sixty and two years, and he begat Enoch:
[ 19 ] And Jared lived after he begat Enoch eight hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 20 ] And all the days of Jared were nine hundred sixty and two years: and he died.
[ 21 ] And Enoch lived sixty and five years, and begat Methuselah:
[ 22 ] And Enoch walked with God after he begat Methuselah three hundred years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 23 ] And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years:
[ 24 ] And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.
[ 25 ] And Methuselah lived an hundred eighty and seven years, and begat Lamech:
[ 26 ] And Methuselah lived after he begat Lamech seven hundred eighty and two years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 27 ] And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died.
[ 28 ] And Lamech lived an hundred eighty and two years, and begat a son:
[ 29 ] And he called his name Noah, saying, This same shall comfort us concerning our work and toil of our hands, because of the ground which the LORD hath cursed.
[ 30 ] And Lamech lived after he begat Noah five hundred ninety and five years, and begat sons and daughters:
[ 31 ] And all the days of Lamech were seven hundred seventy and seven years: and he died.
[ 32 ] And Noah was five hundred years old: and Noah begat Shem, Ham, and Japheth.

In fairness most people who use the Bible to justify their actions don’t actually read the thing.

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As many as allows you to date the Earth as being 6000ish years old.

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The Bible says Enoch didn’t die. he could still be begatting today.

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Rule 34.

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Adam’s descendants begat and begat,
Until all of creation arrived where it’s at.

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A favourite reference: https://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/

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Ha! This is great! I love Deuteronomy I:41:

“ye were ready to go up into the hill.”

It’s the first thing in my mind when I take my kids hiking and they start whining 1/2 mile into it.

“Daaaad, I’m tired! Can we go home now?”

My new response: “the Bible says you can’t! Read Deuteronomy 1:41!”
Not really.

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Thanks. Now Beck is going to be stuck in my head all day.

When I go hiking, I make it a point to comply with Deuteronomy 23:13.

Bury your poop. Bring a tool to do it with.

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Call a spade a spade. Then make sure you have a spade.

There’s a lightweight titanium trowel sold to hikers that goes by the trade name, ‘Deuce of Spades’. (No affiliation, not even as a customer. I have a similar titanium trowel that happens to be from a different vendor.)

If I was a hiker, especially a hitchhiker, I wouldn’t want a trowel; I’d want a towel, some peanuts and earplugs.

RIP Adams.

EDIT: spelling

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