Racist micro aggressions, or, please stop touching other people's hair

[chgoliz]

@Brainspore

Being pregnant apparently also means that strangers have a right to give you unsolicited advice on what you do with your breasts and reproductive organs.

Seems like half of the country wants to do that all the time, not just when women are pregnant.

[Brainspore]

@chgoliz

Seems like half of the country wants to do that all the time, not just when women are pregnant.

True dat.

[Melizmatic]

@GulliverFoyle

What I’ve found anecdotally though is that far more often than not people do get and understand the trespass when someone calls them on it.

I have not had similar experiences, but my mileage does vary.

@GulliverFoyle

Rather Americans tend, I think, to assume that what they’re comfortable or uncomfortable with, so are the people around them, so they tend to check in less when they do touch.

Perhaps.

@GulliverFoyle

. Basically I think one way we could reduce the prevalence of space invading microagressions would be to teach more empathy, especially (but not exclusively) at a young age.

Therein lies the problem, in a nutshell; I believe that the last few generations have been intentionally but covertly socialized in a way that diminishes the overall capacity for empathy.

[anon27822705]

May it is seen (by some) as not quite someone’s body but rather something attached to someone’s body? Almost like a piece of clothing or something? Just a guess. I am not a hair toucher.

[GulliverFoyle]

@Melizmatic

I have not had similar experiences, but my mileage does vary.

Well, and I’m a six foot SWM toward whom society conditions people to be more considerate in a way that isn’t collectively representative of American population, so in fact it’s probably my experience that’s the exception.

@Melizmatic

Therein lies the problem, in a nutshell; I believe that the last few generations have been intentionally but covertly socialized in a way that diminishes the overall capacity for empathy.

Sadly, while I don’t know how intentional it’s been (though I’m open to the possibility) I believe you are correct.

[anon63496581]

I know I’d be just as squicked out if someone was trying to touch my clothing without asking. Personal boundaries, I guess!

[anon27822705]

I know. Even if it were ok to touch peoples hair it’s not something I’d want to do. It’s not like cultural etiquette is holding me back.

[aeon]

@Medievalist

I think people want to touch hair that isn’t like their own

I think so too: curiosity is normal. I used to get that kind of touching in China. Stroking the hairy arms was more common than going for my head, but I once had every hairdresser in the shop take a spell so they could cop a feel of my hair (which does grow pretty thick). But it does get wearing and having someone you don’t know pawing at your head without being asked is unpleasant.

[aeon]

The hair thing I understand, I’ve been “other” and had it happen to me. But the author also writes:

Later in the day, a man made a comment to me about my skin, telling me how “jealous” he was of how it “handled the sun.” I laughed and let him know he should be jealous, because there is no way I’d ever want skin that so easily burned when outside. He laughed and agreed: it did burn. His words burned, too.

Having blue eyes and being extremely pale (to the point I’m frequently asked if I’m unwell or tired) means I’m also rather jealous of skin that doesn’t burn and eyes that don’t need sunglasses in bright sunlight.

I don’t follow why “his” words would burn, particularly as he was self deprecating enough to laugh with her?

[jsroberts]

Nano-aggressions?

[chgoliz]

@aeon

I don’t follow why “his” words would burn

He’s jealous of the very thing that marks her for prejudice 24/7/365, because of the relatively minor advantage of being less likely to burn in the sun.

[Melizmatic]

@chgoliz

He’s jealous of the very thing that marks her for prejudice 24/7/365