if you loved me you’d get me this for my birthday
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That ain’t half assed.
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Once in fifth grade show and tell (yeah fifth graders like to show off) I let out a loud, perfectly timed fart as a classmate was about to regale us with his skills on the casio keyboard. It was amazing. I stole focus for over a whole minte and got even the teacher to double over laughing.
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Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk? His whole abdomen would move up and down you dig farting out the words. It was unlike anything I ever heard...
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Big dick jokes?
My dick is so big, there’s snow on it in summer.
My dick is so big, it won’t return Spielberg’s calls.
My dick is so big, it has a lobby.
My dick is so big, it has a lobby_ist._
My dick is so big, it once fought Godzilla over Tokyo.
My dick is so big, I have to call it “Mister Dick” in front of company.
My dick is so big, I’m already fucking someone tomorrow.
My dick is so big, it was once overthrown by a military coup. It’s now called the Democratic Republic of My Dick.
My dick is so big, movie theatres now sell popcorn in Medium, Large, and My Dick.
My dick is too big to fail.
My dick is so big, it has two opening acts.
My dick is so big, my balls have only seen the tip in pictures.
And just for good measure:
Q: What did Melinda Gates say on her wedding night?
A: AH! I get it! MICRO-SOFT.
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Yeah, that one is pushing it, levity-wise… 
Hey, @anon29631895, can you Spoiler tag that one?
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Eye think that see what you are talking about…
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That is a weird,weird intersection between disturbing and mesmerizing. I want to mine your browsing history!
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This just showed up in my wife’s facebook, interesting timing, ties right in with your post:
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Son daughter of hypnobutt?
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“I warned you not to touch the Hypnotoad. Now you’re covered in warts!”
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It is totally normal that I took photos of a monkey putting googly eyes on my hedgehog’s butt, and there actually was a perfectly legitimate reason, which is my final word on that topic.
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I had a prescription like that - took a while, but I finally got a routine down.
I forgot to light it up first here.
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That is enough of that. I think you have had enough dick arounding for today.
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