Rene Descartes was a drunken fart
“I drink, therefore I am.”
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Love those guys.
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I heard a slightly different version, that started out saying young terns, but ended up with juvenile gulls.
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I didn’t think these orthopaedic shoes would help, but I stand corrected.
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I’ve been reading a horror story in braille. It’s getting really good; something bad Is about to happen, I can feel it.
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Unfortunate news today. Our local butcher backed into his bacon slicer and got a little behind in his work.
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Why do so many Commonwealth countries use dollars instead of pounds?
Dollars just make more cents.
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I was talking to an old friend earlier. He’d started a cake business, specialising in birthday cakes with peoples ages on, but the serious fraud office raided him.
They said he fudged the numbers.
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I’ve been unemployed since the King fired me as his court jester. I’m nobody’s fool.
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A man has died falling from a nightclub roof.
Authorities have said he wasn’t a bouncer.
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A man walked into his favorite bar and spotted a friend. The friend seated at the bar immediately noticed the new hairpiece on his pal.
The man said, “yeah, yeah I bought this custom hairpiece today.”
His friend said, “well, it was a small price toupee.”
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Ok, I’m late to this, but I couldn’t get past the “My wife and I’s friend” to even focus on the joke. “My wife and I’s”? Really?!?! “Hey, check out I’s new car! Pretty sweet, huh?” How can people write sentences like this?
Sorry, we now return you to your regularly scheduled punny humor. Enjoy.
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Right? I’s is a contraction, as in “I’s the b’y that builds the boat”. This should not have an apostrophe.
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Well, some people do at least talk like that. 
Linguistics researcher Benjamin Slade comments that Jamaican Creole and Standard English pronoun forms are all acceptable in Rasta Talk, but speakers almost always use the I-form of first-person pronouns
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