Originally published at: The science of not knowing when to shut up | Boing Boing
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when to shut up
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Related:
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“Whatever you think the other person wants, you may well be wrong,”
Oh boy, have I been there…
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If there were an actual science of not knowing when to shut up then surely I would be a scientist because I am often the one who will not shut up. I am aware and am working on it.
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i know this one. as a teacher i’ve been through any number of exercises in “consensus building” which, from my experience, involves getting a group of people who think “a” to come together and choose “b”.
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As a retiree now, I am very pleased that I don’t have to play that exercise in futility any longer. I sucked at it anyways…
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after this year i’m working no more than 2 more years. four years ago i reached the “rule of 80” which means i’ve only worked because i still wanted to do it.
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The THEY kicked me to the curb mid pandemic, and also while I was recovering from cancer. This created a forced retirement that immediately started the paper work. The THEY, not up on the retirement rules of my former employer woke up to that too late. Now I make 90% of my salary till death, and the THEY have to pay for my health care till MediCare kicks in. You could say the THEY did me a huge favor, I know that’s how I look at it when my retiree payment hits my account every month. Good times, sometimes…
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My friend had a parrot who would listen to human conversations that had gotten to the “wow, this was really great, thanks again for the invite” point of a late night conversation, and interject “GOODBYE” since they’d learned how that pattern matched up. You might be trying to let people down easy; no dice. “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking!”!
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A guy I know talks wayyy too much, any conversation with him can well go on for 45-50 minutes, and he will bop from one tangent to the next. I have learned to read his sentence flow and cut him off at opportune times, sometimes while also walking away.
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So, George Costanza had it right.
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(slowly raising hand) guilty as charged.
When in doubt, listen. Especially if you’re a dude.
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I’m constantly suprised how many people fail to read the body language of me slowly backing away toward an exit while they continue to talk my ear off.
(Granted I may also be surprised how often it may be me running my mouth too long!)
This is my critique of “the golden rule” and why I prefer the inverted version where one doesn’t do to others what they don’t want done to themselves.
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Strategy #1 (Formal) - Stick out your hand and say -“Lovely to meet you/see you again.”
Strategy #2 (Informal) - Jab your thumb over your shoulder and say matter-of-factly - “I gotta jam.”
For intransigent cases, execute Strategy #1, immediately followed by Strategy #2, immediately followed by turning and leaving in the direction you just gesticulated with your thumb.
This is exactly what well-known introvert Queen Elizabeth does…
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Agreed. As I’ve gotten older I’ve gotten more…obvious about when I’m not into a conversation, sometimes to the point that I feel uncomfortably rude. But the other party doesn’t even notice! Like @Mercenary_Garage suggests, you just gotta jam.
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