Top homeland security Congressjerk only just heard about crypto, and he doesn't like it


#1

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#2

Cut the guy a break, Cory, they don’t have cryptography on Barsoom!


#3

I assume this is what he’s picturing when he says “big giant super computers.”


#4

Every time I hear something, or something just pops in my head – because I don’t know anything about this stuff. If they can do that to a cell phone why can’t they do that to every computer in the country, and nobody can get into it?

That about summarizes it.


#5

Need remix! http://knowyourmeme.com/videos/87711-series-of-tubes + John Carter.


#6

That’s Rep. John Carter of Virginia you’re thinking of. Rep. John Carter of Texas is from Uranus, not Mars.


#7

This guy reps a district north of Austin. Specifically District 31, more or less centered around Round Rock, home of DELL FUCKING COMPUTERS!!!


#8

I regret that I have but one like to give.


#9

The fuck is this guy talking about? It’s barely coherent.


#10

He’s got the buzz word for his cohort down though. I’m assuming in his case “cyber” translates to “all that tech stuff I don’t understand but scares the crap out of me”.

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#11

This is nothing to worry about. His owners will tell him how to vote. Members of Congress don’t really need to know anything any more.


#12

“to where” This is my most hated language construction. It’s as meaningless as the rest of the paragraph.

But it does give me a trillion dollar idea. I figure that by “big giant super computers” he means “internets”. I’m going to make special internets that only the owners can open. Hackproof, individual internets. Go ahead and send me all your money.


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#14

It’s almost like knowing things is makes it more difficult to be elected to congress.


#15

The dumb… It hurts, make it go away.


#16

“Check out the big brain on the Congress Man!”


#17

Don’t talk shit about the home of the Tharks.


#18

I thought Australian politicians were ignorant, but this is like the inception of stupidity.


#19

That’s why it is ill-advised to ask politicians for permissions.


#20

The part that blows my mind is that they think any physical safe is trivial to crack. Do they store their valuables in their mattresses?