Me: Dad what does illegal mean?
Dad: A sick bird.
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That’s exactly where my brain went 
ETA: that also reminded me of this classic:
How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two . One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly coloured machine tools.
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Now I have George Thorogood in my head. You monster…
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Granted, it was full of “xmas cracker” jokes, but oh, so much more…
“Not just jokes, but very random stories, horrifically terrible puns and general silliness, with Quentin Blake doing a stunning job by scribbling in every conceivable space. Brilliant!”
(Amazon review).
My fave:
What kind of sound irritates shellfish?
Altogether now:
A noisy noise annoys an oyster.
(You gotta say it with the words smushed together)
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If a hen and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many pounds of skim milk does it take to make an elephant a pair of trousers?
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@anon36271483 cracker jokes are great fun! Dear Brother, the mum and i all share crackers at christmastime. wearing the paper crowns, reading the jokes out to each other… so fun! DB and i make our own (with the “crack” thing-y) for us all to share with little silly things, candy coins, jokes, paper hats!
here’s one i like:
“if Washington’s wife went to Wilmington, while Washington’s washerwoman was washing Washington’s woolies, how many ‘w’ s are there in all?”
dad jokes are cracker jokes.
BTW, how do trees get on the internet?
A: they log in
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A guy is getting a medical and he says, ‘so what’s the score doc? Am I okay?’
And the doc says, ‘Its not looking good; Mercury’s in Uranus’.
So he says, ‘I don’t believe in all that astrology stuff’, and the doc replies: ‘neither do I. My thermometer just broke’.
ETA: What did the nurse say when she found a an extra thermometer in her top pocket?
Some arsehole’s got my pen!
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Have you heard about the zoo in China that has nothing in it but one small dog?
It’s a shit zoo.
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Q: How do you know an elephant was in your refridgerator?
A: Footprints in the butter.
Q: How do you know an elephant IS in your refridgerator?
A: You can’t get the door closed.
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WE CONSIDERED OURSELVES A FUNNY CULTURE
NO PARTICULARLY FUNNY JOKES ARE BURIED HERE
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Q: How do you know when an elephant throws a party in your refridgerator?
A: All the motorbikes parked outside.
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Why is an elephant large, gray, and wrinkled?
Because if it was small, white, and smooth, it would be an aspirin.
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If you see eight elephants walking down the road in pink sweaters what do you know?
They’re all on the same team.
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Why is a mouse when it spins?
The higher, the fewer.
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The essentially identical song “I’m a man” came up on Heardle recently. We sang along:
I’m a man
I’m a man
M m m m man
Man to the mone
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Fascinating!
… and led to this perfect old-timey dad joke groaner:
Why is Carrie Nation like a tailor?
Because she made the saloonkeepers close.
(I’m sorry but history’s a b-itch)
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