More like:
“You need this candy bar”
“How much?”
“Not sure. $300 - $5000 depending on membership. But knowing all the ins and outs of each membership policy is not my job. You do owe me $30 right now for coming in to talk about the candy bar. If we consider the candy bar as a drug, you might pay $25, $50 or $100 depending on whether your membership considers it a tier1, tier2 or tier3 candy. Of course, they might not cover it at all.”
“Is it considered a drug.”
“Well, no. The candy bar will have to be administered to you in a special room in a special building by specially trained people.”
“I do have a really good membership.”
“Oh, that definitely helps. But your membership will only pay if the special building is on their approved list.”
“That should be easy to find out.”
“And the person administering the candy bar also has to be approved.”
“Okay”
“And their might be other people involved in the procedure that you don’t have any control over that may or may not be on the list even if the special building and main person in charge are.”
“Sigh. Anything else?”
“Yes. Since it’s January 3rd your membership probably won’t reimburse you for any candy related expenses until you paid a certain minimum by yourself. But you’ll be paying your membership’s negotiated rate. Probably.”
“Probably”
“Well, I’m the candy specialist with a decade of training and in my expert opinion, you need this candy bar. But your membership’s candy committee may decide differently, in which case all bets are off.”
“So, you’re saying I need this candy bar and there is no way you can possibly know how much it will ultimately cost me.”
“Yes, and yes. See the receptionist about the $30 and please don’t hesitate to call us if you have a problem and think you might need candy.”
