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I was done growing up a long while ago. I’ve been slowly growing out ever since… 
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I always hated that song as a kid ( the Toys-novelty backward ‘r’-us song, that is). I never made an effort to rewrite the lyrics, but in my head they mutated into, “I don’t want to throw up, I’m not a toys-r-us kid, and if you ever call me one, I’ll really flip my lid!” Since that’s been the version in my head since I was a kid, that automatically replaces the lyrics whenever I hear, or think of, the song. I don’t actually know what the real lyrics are. Probably for the best.
(No, I don’t know why this version exists, either. It might not have been so bad with a different producer. That music choice… ugh.)
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I think I’ve mentioned this yarn before, and it seems relevant again here …
Several years ago, when JonS Jr was much younger, I was trying to get her to finish lunch or dinner or some meal. I said “don’t you want to grow up big and strong?” After a moments reflection she responded “Nah, I just wanna stay a little kid.” Can’t argue with that, I said, so we abandoned the food to go outside and play.
Best. Decision. Ever.
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It was a great catchy jingle, but I do remember associating the commercial with spoiled kids I knew.
I’m partial to the Holly Cole version.
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These days, they either take an existing song unchanged, or else they take the familiar melody and turn it into a lame self-serving parody.
I never imagined I’d hear a protest song against the Vietnam War used to sell car insurance.
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It is a black-eye for its its three owners, KKR, Bain Capital Partners and real estate investment trust Vornado Realty Trust, who took the retailer private in 2005 for $6.6 billion, leaving it with $4.9 billion in debt. That debt would become an anathema for the business, keeping it from making the investments it needed as the retail landscape rapidly transformed around it.
We have a small group of payday lending industry tycoons, a Koch low-level executive, likely some border wall supporters/investors in our high school alumni. It’s so weird to try to navigate the reunion.
How evil would it be to pull the kids aside at the high school reunion to explain how dad/grandad killed and gutted Geoffrey and ruined the toy store experience for millions of kiddos?
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Maybe get a Geoffrey plushie from eBay, mount the head as a hunting trophy, and present it to that bunch in front of the kids as a “special award”.
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I think it was CS Lewis who observed that the most childish thing in the world is to want to be a grown up.
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This is the only version that should circulate.
Imagine this for the Toys r Us commercial? Surrealism at it’s best.
Strangely enough, when I first realized I could do a good Louis Armstrong impression, one of the first things I would sing was the Toys R Us theme.
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Grow up, but stay young at heart. There’s no value (or fun) in being a stick in the mud.
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Unless you’re going crabbing in the bay and you need something on shore to tie your rope to. Then you really need a stick in the mud.
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Clearly I’m not a fan but this is a good one. I might have to give this Waits guy another chance.
EXCEPTION NOTED! 
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