I don’t think there is a feeling of entitlement in this type of person. Some do vast majority don’t. The frustration probably arises when these people do as society has sort of told them to do to court women and it doesn’t work. Yet what does work isn’t what
That’s not the same as entitlement. If you read the chapter in the book Feynman isn’t entitled, he just doesn’t get why he’s constantly failing and is frustrated.
The buying of drinks isn’t worth it though, too many men don’t get this. If someone wants to speak to you they will, if they don’t they don’t, a drink will never swing anything more than a bit of uninterested conversation and casual dismissal if they aren’t interested initially.
Any women who wont speak to men who don’t buy them a drink are also probably not worth talking to.
Everyone is self-interested at their core, and people who can admit this are much more trustable to me than people lost in their rationalizations of helpfulness.
Perhaps it’s safer to turn down a drink in a public setting than it is to turn down Mr Entitled in private. Either way, turning them down seems like a safer default position than accepting a drink.
That only makes sense if you give a crap about what Mr Entitled thinks or says of you. If Rapey McGee comes wants to pretend to be the arbiter of who is and who isn’t a whore, it seems you would be better off not taking the drink to begin with.
So, you are saying that as part of the modern courtship ritual, accepting the drink is akin to the woman saying ‘yes, I am interested in you’? From reading the comments to this article, it sounds like many women don’t think that way.
I adopted the attitude that those bar girls are all bitches, that they aren’t worth anything, and all they’re in there for is to get you to buy them a drink, and they’re not going to give you a goddamn thing; I’m not going to be a gentleman to such worthless bitches…
This reminds me of the “Bitches Ain’t Shit” thesis. It never occurred to me that Dr. Dre’s PhD might be in Physics.
What most people here are correctly pointing out that accepting a drink does not mean that a woman owes you anything, especially sex. Accepting the drink is a sign of interest but so is talking to you in the first place. Just because someone is interested does not mean they will, or must, stay interested. That’s why I called this “modern courtship”. The whole point of courtship is that you are testing the waters with someone and seeing if you’re both compatible.
I heartily agree with this sentiment (women owe sex in exchange for xxx == WRONG). This plays out on both sides - some women also use implied possibilities of sex to get perks.
(The reversed roles also happen sometimes.)
There’s some evolutionary bias here. In some ways this is surely a healthy part of human nature. It’s also a big opportunity for harmful attitudes to flourish.
This sounds horrible, but it’s really, really one-sided. So, here’s a reminder of that letter
I want to do little projects with you. I never thought until just now that we can do that. What should we do. We started to learn to make clothes together — or learn Chinese — or getting a movie projector. Can’t I do something now? No. I am alone without you and you were the “idea-woman” and general instigator of all our wild adventures.
You have a strange perspective of the 70s and 80s, one which I believe doesn’t at all accurately reflect the reality of mainstream opinions during that time.
I suggest you go watch some vintage television and films, and re-evaluate just how accepted casual sexism was within the American mainstream.
Well, unless Rapey McGee is actually a rapist. You originally said it sounded like accepting drinks was risky for women, implying there is an element of danger. My point is that the danger comes from the man who is dangerous, not from the woman’s acceptance of or refusal of the drink. If the only thing at risk was the man’s perception of the woman then there would be no risk to begin with.
Accepting a drink in this social context is usually a conversation opener, not the conclusion of a courtship ritual. It may not be apparent which drink-buyers are sexist rapey jerks who feel entitled to sex until after said conversation has taken place.
Everything you say is correct, however, that is beside the point. If you believe buying Card’s books (or movie or video game) promotes a homophobic agenda, you’re free not to (or you’re free to contribute to gay rights to counterbalance whatever Card gets). I am not arguing about Orson Scott Card as a person. I am arguing about judging his books based on what you think of him as a person.
Most people agree on what should happen. Yet, this isn’t an ideal world where predators do not exist. If we are to accept that this situation exists, how is it victim blaming to ask about mitigating the risk to keep people safe? Are we here only to collectively agree that some people suck and it is a societal problem.
So, how do you change that? Or if we cannot and there is a recognized danger, avoid it?
