Most people don’t realize that not everyone can read their facial expressions, which is indeed unfortunate. As @PhasmaFelis said, it is indeed a very expressive language that is unfortunately not available to everyone with equal ease. Kind of like how back in the day well-educated people might switch among languages to use whatever turn of phrase was apt and efficient, just assuming those around them also understood English/French/Latin/Greek/etc.
I have friends, co-workers, and former roommates who don’t read mood and facial expression and body language and other nonverbal cues well. When I talk to them I do make extra effort to put such things into words. Others, even others in the same social group, seem to have trouble with this, and I sometimes find myself acting as a translator of sorts. They don’t seem to realize how much of what they are trying to communicate is being carried non-verbally.
You do understand this actually just makes them normal people, right? It is lazy in a sense (minimal energy to communicate), but it’s the very opposite of antisocial. It’s how typical socialized human beings interact.
Insisting on communication in unreadable code, handling me as a different species just because I cannot play that game. Insisting on talking about idiotic crap that I won’t remember if my life depended on that (sorry, no rote memory), and about other people (whose interactions I cannot observe well enough because of poor recognition, and no rote memory to remember it to boot).
Then, after decades of this, wondering why I just don’t want to cooperate anymore and won’t take personal sacrifices “for the good of the society”.
Either deliver some belonging and at least some affection - not just empty promises, or don’t wonder.
I’m not saying it’s a good thing, I’m just saying it’s not lazy or antisocial. I have a hard time with it too and have to work to remember to look at people’s faces and ask odd questions about intent to make sure I sort things out, but it’s the way the normals are, they’re not lazy or antisocial, they’re just normals. The way the world is is the way the world is, sometimes you gotta adapt (which might just be learning to communicate that you don’t follow their face language sometimes and following up when they forget) instead of blaming reality for being what it is.
That’s going too far. Autistic people aren’t any more “lazy” than neurotypicals. Our wiring doesn’t work automatically, and it’s a hell of a lot of effort to get it set up manually. It’s not just that we were asleep when everyone else was getting socialized.
If you consider the fact that much of what you write about on this forum, whenever you make technical references especially, is equally “unreadable code” for many of us, maybe you can have a bit more empathy. And perhaps an even more fitting comparison: there are many people here who communicate in English because that’s the common code used, but in fact it’s their second or third or fourth language so they will make errors every once and a while. Most of us don’t think less of people because their areas of expertise are different than ours: if anything, we’re appreciative whenever we get exposed to new ways of ‘coding’.
But here’s the thing: there does need to be continued effort on both sides. You can’t quit just because 20 years ago your efforts didn’t bear fruit. Have you learned anything in recent times that would make your efforts NOW be more on-target, so that with less strain you could get better results? Focus on that. Be here now. Stop looking back at your rookie mistakes from half a lifetime ago.
I’m not saying anything at all about autistic people, I’m just saying that it’s not fair to throw pejoratives like ‘lazy’ and ‘antisocial’ at neurotypicals for behaving neurotypically.
I failed at being the palindrome I was supposed to be a long time ago, but was lazy and didn’t get around to fixing it until now. That’s not antisocial is it?
That gets me only so far. Then I hit a glass wall. Good enough for day to day performance, not good for much more.
It’s all in plaintext without ambiguous visuals to interpret, and you have the Net full of references.
My English is a second language. (Third, actually, but I forgot most of my Russian.)
I m doing what I can on my half. It’s not enough. I even tried to read some more mainstream things but ended up bored even in my own time and got no results anyway. I won’t remember stuff without underlying logical structure regardless on stakes. No memorizing of phonebooks for me.
20, 19, 18… it’s an ongoing thing.
Xanax eases it all. But the results stay the same and I won’t even be told why, and if then it is something unhelpful (“you’re nice but I feel nothing to you”, some variant). It takes all my cognitive capabilities and then some to merely keep track and it is not enough to match anybody else. I’d maybe have some chance if I had no competition. Instead I get to watch friends settling down over the years…
Cannot cope with any more rejection now, it’s too painful and it gets worse with every attempt. So retreating, counting losses and regrouping. Further tactics to be decided later, after some recovery.
Sorry things are rough for you, hope it’s just a rough patch and things are better for you before long. FWIW, your English is excellent, not that it helps with your other woes.
