Woodchucks devour Paul Ryan's car

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/07/13/woodchucks-devour-paul-ryans.html

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More like woodCUCKS, amirite?

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Seen fleeing the scene of the “crime”:

tenor%20(13)

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How much chuck would a woodchuck upchuck if a woodchuck knew it was Paul Ryan’s car?

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He always does seem to have problems with the neighbors.

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Perhaps now they’ll try and get the squirrels out of his head.

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Maybe that’s what happened to his spine and principles. He hadn’t been using them for a few years, either.

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When not even the woodchucks like you, you know there’s something deeply wrong with you (in this case, I diagnose distinct lack of a soul).

Haven’t you heard? All modern Republicans have their principles surgically removed before taking office.

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It’s part of the excellent insurance plan we pay for.

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Rodents seem to be attracted to rubber items, especially hoses and wiring.
In door county, rangers advise campers to hang bicycles from trees to prevent the tires from being eaten by porcupines. Even with that warning, we had a pair of sandals devoured by them.

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I’m shocked to discover that there’s more than one square inch of Door County wild land remaining to support the existence of porcupines.

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Ryan immediately applied for Section 8 rent subsidies for the Woodchuck Family and charged them rent.

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Again?
 

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Were I the spiritual type, I’d suspect that “nature consumes the oil-guzzling SUV of one of the leading anti-climate Republicans” was a message of some sort.

Maybe I still do…

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It’s wood rats here in the southern woods. I have a dead car in the drive as we speak, the wiring having been devoured, a giant nest built on the engine block, the battery cables chewed away, acorns stashed inside the hood.

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So, “hood rats” then!

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easy ,
a woodchuck would upchuck as much woodchuck upchuck as a woodchuck could upchuck if the woodchuck knew it was paul ryans car.

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I’ve heard that footgear is at particular risk to porcupines because it’s nice and salty.

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