Your scientifically accurate horoscope for 2015

I think we’ll be OK:


Or work outdoors, eh?

True that. Also insert: " at the time of your birth".

That our solar system has multiple planets surely does have effects, such as on what meteors hit us–no doubt about that. That said, it’s hard to see how multiple planets could have any subtle effect on personalities.

I’ve heard this too–in Freakonomics I think. I thought the big effect was on success in certain team sports. The other seasonal effect that I’ve seen documented is on illness. I’m pretty sure there’s a slight association between winter pregnancies and schizophrenia. The theory I recall is that flu or flu-like illness during pregnancy is a risk factor.


I can see some reason to an idea of some annual influence on people, though as said, whether it is much more than things like how old you are when you start school is a different question. It’s the supposed cycles of exactly 88, 225, and 687 days I’d like to see justified.

I assume those are what they meant by planets; the position of the Earth has a tremendous effect on my life, since it’s where I keep all my stuff.


Don’t you believe in bad weather during winter? You can die from this. It’s quite an influence for me :P. I would like the distance from the sun a bit smaller (makes things easier in the north).

Dear bodies of water: The position of the stars and planets will not affect your life in any way, shape, or form, whatsoever.

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Milan Kundera, author of The Unbearable Lightness of Being, briefly worked writing horoscopes. He did so anonymously, but word got back to him through his editor that at least one politician actually took his predictions seriously.

The stars may not have an effect but astrologers can.


For more information, please reread this poster.

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What’s interesting about astrology to me is how since ancient times it so accurately describes archetypical personality/psychological profiles we still recognize in ourselves and people we know. It’s way pre-Jung but shows how, as a species, humans are emotionally and psychologically the same as our long, long gone ancestors. I don’t mean personalities are formed at birth just the acknowledgement of so many diverse types.


If you kill somebody when it gets really dark, it improves gradually and gets warmer again. The Sun likes that kind of thing.

That’s pretty much what I meant, but I can imagine all sorts of other factors - none of them related to Jupiter being in Virgo. Does weather have an effect on a developing fetus? I would imagine it has to have some effect, and that’s plainly seasonal. What about allergies - don’t they subtly shift your whole body chemistry? For people in many jobs, even stress is seasonal.

If they’ve got a Pluto sign, they’re old enough to remember when Pluto was a planet.


My science teacher hubby is going to print it and post it on his classroom wall, after I blur the horrible Voltaire quote on the bottom.

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From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing cosmic destruction! Man’s civilization is cast in ruin! Two thousand years later, Earth is reborn. A strange new world rises from the old: a world of savagery, super science and sorcery.


There are some spirited efforts to get Pluto back in the club though.

Which kind of makes sense if you think about it. In terms of almost any measure other than its distance from the sun Pluto is a far more Earth-like body than Jupiter. So by what logic would Earth and Jupiter both share the same designation but not Earth and Pluto? Silly and arbitrary, says I.

“The position of the stars and planets will not affect your life, in any way, shape, or form, whatsoever.”

Agreed, but the position of that comma between “life” and “in” is sure affecting my sense of sentence flow.

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Nightfall for Leibowitz?

But I make my living building and installing life-size replicas of Stonehenge. That is, when I’m not at my second job, arranging tourist trips for people to see total eclipses of the sun.

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