Your scientifically accurate horoscope for 2015


#1

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#2

That’s cute and it certainly supports the doctrine. I did once read somewhere that actual studies have shown some weird correlations between, for example, occupation and birth month. But it’s impossible and therefore false.


#3

Xspecialy Sun.
The position of the sun will not affect your life in any way, shape, or form, whatsoever. :D.


#4

Just as long as it maintains its current distance from the Earth.


#5

I don’t believe in horoscopes for a second (as dara o’briain says, racism is better than astrology) but I can vaguely see season (not month) having an effect on your job. The reason I say that is because I’ve noticed a loose correlation (YMMV, confirmation bias, etc, etc) between people born in the winter preferring the cold and summer babes preferring the hot.


#6

They’ve got Capricorn and Taurus switched around… is that a mistake, or a deliberate nod to the underlying utter bullshit of star signs?


#7

Pluto takes 21 years on average to move between signs of the Zodiac. Are you really claiming that whether someone was born in the 1860s, 1940s or 2000s makes no difference to what they’re like today? I assert that you can tell a great deal about someone from their Pluto sign, such as whether they’ve already died of old age.


#8

“The position of the stars and planets will not affect your life in any way, shape, or form, whatsoever.” …But what if you are an astronomer?


#9

Okay, I’ll play. We know that correlation does not always equal causation. At the same time, how much is honestly known about the subtlest effects of the arrangement of reality at any given time? I don’t think Saturn’s going to make anyone grow up to be a doctor. But the idea that the configuration of all objects and forces in the universe has ZERO effect on anything seems perilously shortsighted to me. Even if it were something as miniscule as effecting the tilt of the earth a 1,000th of a degree, effecting the manner in which the sun warms the planet’s surface that day, perhaps leading the weather to be a fraction of a degree cooler or hotter in a certain location, and so on and so forth down the line until somebody’s senses receive stimuli suggesting they go left instead of right… again, nothing that’s necessarily going to determine your future, your love life, or your career. But there are so many possible ripple effects, all interweaving. So saying the arrangement of the solar system has zero effect on our world is not, to me, technically accurate.


#10

Biology is Destiny.

Sorry – Bionomy.


#11

Heh. Can’t avoid copyediting it, though. There is a word “whatsoever”, but “what so ever” as a phrase in modern English doesn’t work.


#12

Ah, but what about natural satellites?


#13

What is pretty cool is that over the last two kiloyears the signs have shifted one whole sign though according to a conversation 2 deciyears ago with a college fling the signs are still read by their old placement, from Roman imperial times, in the solar year.
(edit)I just remembered that for charting purposes there is also a doppleganger planet to earth orbiting the sun directly opposite us, a planet closer to the sun than mercury, and apparently there was imaginary plotted charting for the yet undiscovered uranus, neptune, and pluto.
I think that actual orbital mechanics has little to do with these charts.


#14

What if I need to find a good interplanetary launch window, or just aim my telescope at something interesting?


#15

In that case your horoscope would undoubtedly have read differently. But evidently you are not going to find a launch window or aim your telescope at something this year. The stars know, you know.


#16

Damnit!


#17

Why not artificial? “I knew the relationship wouldn’t work. I was born under Skylab and she under Salyut 6”


#18

I remember something about particular star signs doing worse at school. But that was because they were the youngest in the school year.


#19

There’s a whole sign missing, too. And the sun doesn’t spend an equal amount of time in each sign. And constellations aren’t things anyway.


#20

I will try to remember the heavens have no effect on my life when the DOOMSDAY ROCK slams into the Earth. :wink: