#Let us pray.
Our Maker, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Nameplate.
Thy accelleration come.
Thy will be done
on-road,
As it is off-road.
Give us this day our daily pizza.
And forgive us our fart gasses,
As we forgive them that pass gas around against us.
And lead us not into chain mechanics,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The horsepower, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
AMEN
#My Congregation…
(yes I know it’s just you, Jane, but we drew straws on to who would use the Genesis device and I won, fair and square. so chill with the side-eye).
AHEM
My Congregation, we are gathered here today to witness a miracle, the miracle of the Craftsman. It is the power and the glory of the Craftsman is to rev the idle, to revive the stalled, and to burn rubber.
#A Parable.
A little boy and his mother were driving down the PCH on a beautiful spring afternoon. Suddenly out of nowhere a mutant bee flew in the car window. Since the little boy was deathly afraid of everything, including barbers, be became petrified. But the mother quickly reached out, grabbed the bee, squeezed it in her hand, and then released it. But as soon as she let it go, the young son became frantic once again as it buzzed by the little boy. His mother saw his pain-stricken face. Once again the mother reached out her hand, but this time she pointed to her hand. There still stuck in her skin was the stinger of the bee. “Do you see this?” she said. “You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I’ve taken the sting for you.”
And this is the message of The Craftsman. We don’t need to be afraid of death anymore. The Craftsman faced death for us. And by His victory, we are saved from egregious repair bills. Craft, our lord, has taken the sting! First Pornithians 15:22 asks: “Where, oh De’Ath, is your sting?” Craft has taken the stinger for us. He has risen! Fear is gone. New life is ours.
Today we ask the Craftsman to rebuild our brother, our friend, or ticket to sweet sweet repairs. Brother Clank-un-Stein.
#Join me, in the ritual…
While they were eating, the Craftsman took some pizza, and after a blessing,
He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is My bodywork”
And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying,
“Drink from it, all of you; for this is My oil of the crankcase, which is poured out every 3 months or 15,000 miles”
#The Holy Genesis Device of Antioch
And the Craftsman spake, saying,
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
Then, shalt thou turn the power dial to full.
No more, no less.
Full shalt be the setting of the power
and the power determined by the setting shalt be full.
Half shalt thou not use,
nor either quarter,
excepting that thou then proceed past those settings to turn the dial to full.
Turning it up to eleven is right out.
Once the power is full,
and you’ve given her all she’s got, then
lobbest thou thy Holy Genesis Device Antioch towards thy ally,
who being one with the light, shall be WHOLE again.
