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This one’s for all you nameless Drivers out there. The ones doing the hard work in the Mule train, that we aren’t hearing about so much.
Here’s to you!
I ᴅᴏɴ’ᴛ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ᴀʙᴏᴜᴛ ʏᴏᴜ, ʙᴜᴛ I ᴄᴏᴜʟᴅ ᴍᴜʀᴅᴇʀ ᴀ ᴄᴜʀʀʏ.
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DJ: Yeah, we’re getting reports that this morning, April 20th, six years since Chelsea’s Little War, that an…unusual zombie has emerged…
He resurfaced on the sidewalk,
of my block,
the other day.
Yeah it’s a fact, check it. Sorry charlie.
Honey, he’s back from LA.
So, Bill, you better turn around,
Yeah Clank is on his way across town.
He was getting tired of hanging around
Yeah he’s back Jack,
smoking crack.
Find him if you wanna get found.
DP’s having supper, with the upper,
management of a new regime.
DP’s in a new jacket, tax bracket,
sandals & a dark pair of jeans.
He’s got deductions right on down the line;
dependent claims on on all of MarsKind.
Have no fear
he’ll be right here,
drinkin’ beer,
and writing the final round.
She resurfaced on the sidewalk
of my block
the other day.
Yeah it’s a fact, check it. Sorry, charlie.
Honey, she’s back from the grave.
You better turn your frown upside down
Coug’s on her way across town
She was getting tired of hangin’ around
yea she’s back Jack
shootin’ smack
find her if you wanna get found.
Oh - just remembered. Back in 2014 Morgan came out with a lovely little number that’d make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up -
I walked past their factory once. It’s a shed around the back of some houses. Literally.
I’d love their 3-wheeler, though.
This would’ve come in handy:
http://www.atonimpulse.com/Welcome_to_Aton_Impulse.html
As well as the Ghe-O Rescue:
Couple of awesome bits of kit.
I think you’ve been busted, Junior.
No sign of those Encino Man videos yet, though.
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DJ: Hello.
DJ: Is this thing still on?
DJ: Looks like I passed out at the wheel. (heh).
DJ: That’s a driving pun for all you drivers.
DJ: Well it looks like what I thought was a bottle of tequila~ when I looted it. Turned out to be a bottle of Mezcal. So, I’ve been on a little spiritual discursion while you enjoyed an extended period of radio silence.
DJ: (heh) consider it an extended homage to John Cage.
DJ: Speaking of homages, let’s do an homage to a homey. Josh Homme. Or however the fuck he pronounced his name.
Where have you gone again my sweet?
Everybody wants to know.
Where have you gone again my sweet?
Everybody wants to know.
Where’ve you gone…
…love?
I’m just a ghost, I’m on your street.
Waitin’, when you comin’ home?
Gone so long.
Where are you…gone?
On a long slow goodbye?
On a long slow goodbye…
In every voice, I hear you speak.
Waitin’ by the telephone.
I close my eyes, I just can’t sleep.
Roll & tumble all night long.
All night long.
Oh.
Where you gone?
I close my eyes, I just can’t sleep
Where have you gone again my sweet?
On a long slow goodbye?
On a long slow goodbye…
Goodbye?
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DJ: Let’s take a caller.
whispered voice: …
DJ: Hello, you’re on the air.
DJ: heh. I get this heavy breathing all the time. < rolleyes > Fans, am I right?
whispered voice: …you got lucky, wash
DJ: What’s that?
whispered voice: you got lucky, when I found you.
You better watch what you say
You better watch what you do to me
Don’t get carried away
Boy, if you can do better than me, go
Yeah go but remember
Good love is hard to find
Good love is hard to find
You got lucky babe
Yeah, you got lucky babe
When I found you-
Dagwood approves.
[he’s got some seriously weird shit-kickers, btw.]
Well, Jane, I don’t know if we will all make it back from this here excursion. But we might as well have some mood music.
Listen young people I'm 74
And I plan to live 60 or 70 more
Yeah I've been all around I've done a few things
And I spent a few nights on the floor
Did everything wrong but I never got caught
So of course I would do it all over again
I surprised many people who'd written me off
Years ago, now they're way underground
Nobody asked me, but here's my advice
To a young man or woman who's living this life
In a world gone to hell where nobody's safe
Do not go quietly unto your grave
Do not go quietly unto your grave
Learned a few tricks and I'll learn a few more
And I got enough bullets to fight a small war
Nobody asked me so here's my advice
To a young man or woman who's living this life
In a world gone to hell where nobody's safe
Do not go quietly unto your grave
**Do not go quietly unto your grave**#Let us pray.
Our Maker, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Nameplate.
Thy accelleration come.
Thy will be done
on-road,
As it is off-road.
Give us this day our daily pizza.
And forgive us our fart gasses,
As we forgive them that pass gas around against us.
And lead us not into chain mechanics,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,
The horsepower, and the glory,
For ever and ever.
AMEN
#My Congregation…
(yes I know it’s just you, Jane, but we drew straws on to who would use the Genesis device and I won, fair and square. so chill with the side-eye).
AHEM
My Congregation, we are gathered here today to witness a miracle, the miracle of the Craftsman. It is the power and the glory of the Craftsman is to rev the idle, to revive the stalled, and to burn rubber.
#A Parable.
A little boy and his mother were driving down the PCH on a beautiful spring afternoon. Suddenly out of nowhere a mutant bee flew in the car window. Since the little boy was deathly afraid of everything, including barbers, be became petrified. But the mother quickly reached out, grabbed the bee, squeezed it in her hand, and then released it. But as soon as she let it go, the young son became frantic once again as it buzzed by the little boy. His mother saw his pain-stricken face. Once again the mother reached out her hand, but this time she pointed to her hand. There still stuck in her skin was the stinger of the bee. “Do you see this?” she said. “You don’t need to be afraid anymore. I’ve taken the sting for you.”
And this is the message of The Craftsman. We don’t need to be afraid of death anymore. The Craftsman faced death for us. And by His victory, we are saved from egregious repair bills. Craft, our lord, has taken the sting! First Pornithians 15:22 asks: “Where, oh De’Ath, is your sting?” Craft has taken the stinger for us. He has risen! Fear is gone. New life is ours.
Today we ask the Craftsman to rebuild our brother, our friend, or ticket to sweet sweet repairs. Brother Clank-un-Stein.
#Join me, in the ritual…
While they were eating, the Craftsman took some pizza, and after a blessing,
He broke it and gave it to the disciples, and said, “Take, eat; this is My bodywork”
And when He had taken a cup and given thanks, He gave it to them, saying,
“Drink from it, all of you; for this is My oil of the crankcase, which is poured out every 3 months or 15,000 miles”
#The Holy Genesis Device of Antioch
And the Craftsman spake, saying,
First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin.
Then, shalt thou turn the power dial to full.
No more, no less.
Full shalt be the setting of the power
and the power determined by the setting shalt be full.
Half shalt thou not use,
nor either quarter,
excepting that thou then proceed past those settings to turn the dial to full.
Turning it up to eleven is right out.
Once the power is full,
and you’ve given her all she’s got, then
lobbest thou thy Holy Genesis Device Antioch towards thy ally,
who being one with the light, shall be WHOLE again.
How many of these Holy Genesis Device Antiochs do we have, anyway?
Asking for a friend.
not related to anything previous (prolly)
In other news, I identified two parked cars seen up in Maine last weekend as “Rat Rods” and now he’s talking about them at least once a day (generally in the context of being towed somewhere, as he can’t believe they’d actually run).
In other other news, I cannot find a single bollywood remake, dubstep remix, 8bit/chiptune-cover or 12" extended dance version of Hot Rod Lincoln. STOP WASTING TIME PEOPLE GIT R DONE.
This is the best I could do, and even then it’s too faithful. Where’s the Residents when you need 'em?
If we save the Craftsman, He will save us all.
That poster reminded me of beer cans in the LOST van, which lead me to grizzlies vs zombies, and chased me away to find this:
(source)
