Dear Superintendant,
Please be consistent and ban dihydrogen oxide (water) from school. Kids might inhale it. Inhalation of water is deadly. Also, ban books. Kids may smash their heads into them and suffer severe head injury. Ban shoe laces (danger of asphyxia when inappropriately wielded), ban pencils (may cause permanent blindness when applied to the cornea). Ban children. They exhale CO2, and as we all know, CO2 has a higher binding affinity to haemoglobin, displacing valuable oxygen from the bloodstream—not to mention the adverse long-term changes in heat capacity of the the earth’s atmosphere.
